3.6 Mailgirl Six Blog: Educating Mailgirls

Good Morning Gentle Readers!

This is it. This is the busy week I’ve been training and working towards. The board meeting is on Friday, which is also my last day of training with Ms. East. Wish me luck as I’ve been all-around busy but this is the final stretch.

My body is very much anticipating each training session with Ms. East. For a few weeks now I’ve felt a little twinge of excitement while going to work. As 10AM gets closer I’ll start to show the signs of physical arousal, which is a little embarrassing as I’m making deliveries but it’s fine, I can cope. But now I’m waking up excited. The whole ride to work is a slip-n-slide. The other mailgirls notice immediately and both Aisha and Ann have asked if I need help during my morning shower. I’ve declined because I still want to be excited for Ms. East at 10.

Is this what she was trying to do the whole time? I thought I would have greater control over my sexuality, but I might have handed all control of it over to Ms. East? This is maddening.

On Wednesday she barely touched me besides the mandatory inspection. She had me organize personnel files instead, watched me sort papers into folders and put them back in the drawer as she sat at her desk. I think she was masturbating.

On Thursday she had me get on the floor, on my hands and knees with my back straight. Then she logged into a conference call, got her yellow legal pad, and sat on my back with her legs crossed. She took notes for the next forty-five minutes while I strained to keep her up. It was awful. Ms. East is not heavy at all but as the minutes passed the weight became more and more. Once the conference call was over she stood and I collapsed to the floor in exhaustion.

On Friday she had me stand for inspection, put clamps on my nipples and labia, and filled out my quarterly employee review.

This is barely even sexy anymore. It’s endurance. I think she is testing how much discomfort I can take while still being excited. I guess it is a lot more than I thought as I am still waking up excited for more training.

Where does this end?

Friday. This ends on Friday.

I swear I would not be so exhausted about this if she would just let me orgasm. Clearly whatever she is doing is working.

Moving on to the Mailgirl Valuation Project. As I’ve previously written, we have three quantifiers made up of three quantifiers; the Efficiency Quotient, Aesthetic Value, and Experience Modifier. Each of these should total 1 or less, and we add them together to get our MVP. To put that in real numbers multiply the MVP by the standard starting contract of $250,000. This lets you assign a dollar value to a mailgirl’s contract for negotiation and buyout purposes. As a standard mailgirl contract is 100 weeks (2 years, 50 weeks a year with 2 weeks vacation/personal time per year), you can determine value remaining on an active contract by how many weeks she has left.

To use myself as an example:

So far in my career I’ve completed 27,387 runs, with 864 bonuses and 4,108 demerits. The equation for the Efficiency Quotient is (Runs + Bonuses – Demerits)/Runs = EQ so (27,387 + 864 – 4,108)/27,387 = 0.88. So I have an EQ of 88%, pretty good for five years in.

Next up is my Aesthetic Value. I have a BMI of +1 (healthy weight), a rectangle figure so +.5, and wear a B-cup for +.5. Aesthetic Value is adding all these up and dividing by 3. So I have an Aesthetic Value of 0.67.

Now my Experience Modifier is where I pick up some slack. (Education + Renewals + Kinsey)/3. I have a Bachelor’s Degree, am on my third renewal and will identify as a 2 or 4 on the Kinsey Scale; so (.75 + 1 + .75)/3 calculates to an Experience Modifier of .83.

So let us add them all up and get my MVP. EQ + AV + EM = .88 + .67 + .83 = 2.38!

I really thought I would be over 2.5 but 2.38 is not bad at all. This does leave me some room for improvement. I could work on my deliveries, go back to school, or get breast implants to increase my value as a mailgirl. Now to put a price on it.

2.38 x $250,000 equals $595,000! So if I renewed for another two year contract today that is what my Most Valuable Pricing would be. Not bad. Also makes me feel like I got a good deal on current salary as I started at double starting rate. The company looks like it saved a little too.
As I have about half a year remaining, if they sold my contract to another company the price would be 50% that, so $297,500.

This number does provide some good valuations for the mailgirl market, at least in comparison to the going rate. I’ll have to valuate the rest of my girls to see where they are. A hypothetical best case scenario for a PHD, hourglass figured D-cup with a perfect delivery record would be worth $750,000 and a worst case obese, round, flat-chested high school dropout in a monogamous relationship would still be worth $41,667; so there is an upper end and lower end to the scale, which is really what we want.

Ug. Too many numbers. My head is spinning. Maybe I just need to answer some mail and get ready for work. Our question today comes from Dr. Emilios Tarr, MD, EdD who writes:

“This is an interesting blog, how do I contact Mail Girls Inc. as I’m looking to hire a Mailgirl for my company? I operate a boarding school for college students who have not succeeded in traditional environments, and believe that having Mailgirls on campus would not only improve my corporate efficiency, but would present a positive role model for my students.

Thank you for your kind attention.
Sincerely,
/signed/
Dr. Emilious Tarr, Headmaster
Yorktown Academy of Deportment for Recalcitrant and Obstreperous young Men and Women”

Wow! I never thought my little blog would go big enough to attract the attention of academia! Mailgirl Six is big time. LOL.

So Dr. Tarr, I suppose the first step would be to contact Mail Girls Inc. at mailgirlenterprises.com. They should have someone there who is aware if naked office workers are legal in your area. Currently the U.S. is a patchwork of laws because reception to what I do is very mixed in certain areas. Even if a state says it’s legal there may be a local ordinance that makes such mailgirls unlawful. Don’t fight city hall unless you can know you can win.

If it’s perfectly legal, Mail Girls Inc. will come up with rates and send files on Mailgirls who are willing to work in your area. You can start negotiations with them. You would definitely want to find one capable of establishing a domestic recruitment program. An institution like yours could be a very lucrative endeavor for your college, your students, and Mail Girls Inc. If you want disciplined young adults, mailgirls are definitely the way to go. I myself started as an intern, little Ana at my current contract came in on an internship as well. I’m sure the company would pay a finder’s fee for every mailgirl recruited from your academy, especially if they received training before placement. It is a viable road for young women to excel in life, getting those student loans off their backs as fast as possible and employment in a lucrative and expanding field. If you are looking to discipline young women, well… this is definitely the way to go.

Now you may find out there are legal restrictions about naked women in public, or being paid for their services, or required to wear footwear, etcetera. There are many local ordinances that can be thrown in the way of your institution proceeding with an efficiency courier program. If this is the case, bring in a mailgirl as a guest speaker. I would certainly be honored to come speak on behalf of the program, in uniform even, so women can ask questions and get answers from a real mailgirl. Or in many cases the naked woman can’t be paid as it falls under prostitution or panhandling laws. At a college like yours that should not be a problem as there is a difference between a salary and tuition reimbursement. Call them “Maximum Efficiency Teacher Assistants” instead of “Mailgirls” and that might be enough to get around a local law or two.

In short, I’m sure it can be done. Reach out to Mail Girls Inc. They are willing to work with institutions like yours and always seem to find a way to make things happen. If I had known the positive aspects of working as a mailgirl from the beginning it would not have been such a shock at the outset. I worked through it, and if I can help other lost young women to transition to this rewarding career and healthy lifestyle I certainly will.

Good luck Dr. Tarr. Give us an update on how the program goes.

That’s it for this week, Gentle Readers. I have five training sessions left and a big meeting at the end of the week. It is really cut out for me now, so wish me luck and remember Health and Efficiency matters!