In Lunch hour traffic, a Police car is making slow progress back to it’s HQ. In the back, a young lady, naked, hands cuffed behind her back, wearing a cheap latex Horse head mask. The woman in the back, was trying to get comfortable. With her hands behind her back she couldn’t sit back properly. So she tried to sit up. This made her breasts thrust out, making her feel more uncomfortable about her predicament. She knew that she didn’t like holding this posture, but it was better than her hands and the cuffs digging into her lower back.
In all the commotion of what’s happened so far today. Her mind had become temporary silent from all the crazy and conflicting thoughts she had been experiencing and processing. As Rachel kept fidgeting her bottom half of her body to get more comfortable. She could feel the dirt and crust of the backseat, left behind by previous arrested clientele, on her derrière and on her sex. Was the back seat originally sticky because of them or now because of her? Behind the mask, she blushed.
Now in a familiar environment of the Police car, a home from home so to speak, the Officers up front started relaxing and making conversation about this and that, ignoring the naked lady in the back. Jeannie, the female officer, had radioed in to Dispatch that they were heading back with a naked lady. Jeannie asked her older Policing partner, “Marcus, this is a first for me, how many naked perps, have you dealt with?”.
Marcus, concentrating on driving, “Naked perps? With this City having a large College population an’ all, I’m ain’t sure. The two that I remember was that naked guy high has high as a kite a fair few years back and that female shop lifter months before you came my partner.”
“Oh yeah, I heard about her”, responded Jeannie, laughing as she remember the story. “Again… tell me! How did you get her topless?”
Marcus half seriously defending himself, “Hey, I didn’t know she wasn’t wearing a bra under that shirt.”
Jeannie still laughing, “Of course you didn’t!”
“That shirt had Pop buttons! All I did was to chase her and when I caught up with her I grabbed her shirt collar. Next thing I know, I’ve got her in a bear hug to quickly control her and… the rest is history that I’ll never live down.” Marcus added, “However, this one in the back will be another good one for the retirement stories.”
Making a left turning, the driver of the Police car went a little too fast. Due to the motion of the car, the poor girl in the back, who had been previously sat upright, was thrown over on to her side. She shrieked in surprise. In the confusion, masking her present position, the reality being that with Rachel laying on her side, her tight bottom was sticking out and she was exposing her pink area and anus.
Jeannie, heard the shriek, looked behind and noticed Rachel’s predicament. “Shame your driving Marcus! There’s a nice view behind you. Do you want me to describe it?”
“Girlfriend! Remember, Jeannie”.
Teasing Marcus and to embarrass Rachel, Jeannie described loudly the Vista view she had of the back seat. Rachel laying on her side, her tush poking out, her legs squeezed together, that emphasised her pink area. Even though she trimmed the front, to look proper for the sports she played and loved, she had a preference for some smoothness around her sex. Rachel heard all the details, spelled out in glorious terms, colours, even the description of how the naked girl was glistening from between her legs.
In the tight confines of the back seat, Rachel attempted several times to right herself. Failure each time. She gave a loud exhale of defeat and just laid there, until she had to get out of the car.
Starting to feel hot, due to the midday Sun. “Can I have some air back here?” shouted Rachel, to overcome the mask’s muffling.
“Oh, she speaks at last,” Jeannie responded. “Of course Princess. You can have some A/C.” Jeannie, reached for the A/C control and turned it up to full.
Rachel could feel it straight away, her skin starting to cool down. “Thank you!”
Jeannie turned her head around, smiling again, with genuineness in her voice, “No… thank you! Your appreciation is most welcome.” Even though Rachel’s legs blocked some of Jeannie’s view of her top half. Rachel’s nipples had started to become hard and very protruding and how she was laying down across the back seat her sex felt the cold air too. Soon, being naked and blasted with surprisingly effective A/C, Rachel began to shiver. The muscle ligaments in Rachel’s chest began to twitch, jerk involuntarily. Her breasts shaked and jiggled as a result.
Jeannie noticed this, laughed. Teasing Marcus further, “Hey, check out the puppy show? Poor you! You can’t”. Jeannie looked at Rachel, laughing at the sight of the poor girl. Rachel, was very helpless.
Rachel wasn’t feeling too happy right now by her plight and started crying. Still laying vulnerable on her side, on the back seat, she started kicking the door behind the passenger seat.
A moment later, a call came over the Police radio. “Oscar 2-1-niner, this is Dispatch.”
“Hey Seabiscuit, calm it in the back, will you.” Jeannie, picked up the receiver. “Dispatch, this is Oscar 2-1-niner. What’s the problem? We’re nearly back at base.”
“This is Dispatch, Jeannie. Sarge wants a private word. Can you call him on your Cell?”
“Dispatch, 10-4”, replied Jeannie. Jeannie turning to Marcus, shrugging her shoulders, “Wonder what he wants.” Jeannie calls the Sarge. “Hey Sarge, we’re about two minutes out. Can this wait until we’re back?…. Uh huh…. Sir?… Use the side door?!… No blanket?!… And what did you say about the mask?… Sure, it’s your call, Sarge.” Jeannie, ended the call, looked back quizzically at Rachel, whilst speaking to Marcus, “Sarge told us to bring her in the side door. No blankets to cover her up. Most importantly, she has to keep her mask on.”
Marcus looked confused at Jeannie, “What?!”
“Something about waiting for a Therapist who’s treating her. Sarge strongly insisted. Orders, are orders”, Jeannie replied back.
Soon, the ride was over. Outside the Precinct’s side walk, the car pulled up, Rachel still crying and kicking the door. The Officers got out and watched Rachel’s continuing symbolic tantrum from the outside.
Moments later, across the street, a SUV rolled and parked up without bringing attention to itself. The driver’s window, came down and a Camcorder was placed in the direction of the Precinct’s side entrance and capturing whatever was going off in the back of the car and the two Police Officers talking to each other.
Looking in from the outside the Officers could see that Rachel was still laying down, now on her back, kicking the door, screaming and shouting inaudible words. This was the result of her being humiliated, turned on, cold, angry, blood feeling hot, scared, shamed. All the emotional overload that had built up inside her, exploded. So she had begun crying, kicking the door of the car. Every kick, thrusting her hips upwards.
Marcus looked at Jeannie, “Not a sight you see every day.”
Jeannie said “Like the Sarge said. ‘Looks like we got a right one here’.” Turning to Marcus, “If she doesn’t calm down, how’d we get her of there?”
Marcus looking at Jeannie. “Can’t Pepper spray her since she’s wearing that mask. So we drag her out by her top half. She can’t bite us with that mask on. So that’s good news. If she’s still struggling, we can either carry her or frog march her in. If we have to carry her, do you want the top or bottom, Jeannie?”
“Top. If she kicks… those Stilettos, they’ll smart. So you a big strong man, you can hold her legs.”
“Yup, just my fortune, really. Arrest a naked woman. This is the only time I have to keep a woman’s legs closed. Yup! An’ I’m a legs kinda guy.” Upon hearing that unexpected comment from her partner, Jeannie started laughing again.
“Okay, partner. Ready to see how cooperative our naked felon is?” asked Marcus. Opening the driver’s side door of the back seat, he calmly moved his head inside. Rachel was being less hysterical than before, not kicking. He slowly extended his arm and gently touched Rachel’s shoulder. Rachel, looked at him, the mask flopped around. “Hey. You need to come out now,” in a soft tone. His hand firmly holding her shoulder, repeating a little more firm in the tone of his voice, “Come on now. You can’t stay in here all day.”
The unexpected hand touch on her naked shoulder and his inadvertant gentle rubbing of her upper arm, sparked some confusing signals again in Rachel. “The only option you have is to get out of the car and come inside with us.” Marcus started to use his normal command tone. “we’d prefer that you climb out by yourself, if not we’ll drag out. Which do you want it to be?”
Rachel didn’t move or say anything. Before screaming loudly, well as loud as the mask allowed. Marcus moved out from the back seat. Looked at his partner, Jeannie. Both mouthed in sync, “Shoulders!”
Marcus leaned into the back seat reaching across, Rachel struggled the best she could. With her weak struggle and Marcus forcing his hands under Rachel’s arms, he would accidentally touch her breasts. “Get off me you pervert,” screamed Rachel. Although, the rough handling of her breasts were making her feel crazy in areas she was didn’t want this to be happening. It was inevitable that her naked ass would be dragged out in an unladylike manner, turned on and exposed.
With a little bit of force, Marcus had got enough of Rachel’s body out of the door for Jeannie to be able to help. Both of them yanked Rachel out of back of the car, dumping her naked ass unceremoniously on the street. Hitting the asphalt, stung her butt and Rachel made both of the Officers know about it with her scream. Both Officers, bent down, each taking a different armpit, pulled a staggering Rachel on to her feet. To control Rachel, they forced her to bend over slightly, while lifting her cuffed arms upwards. A delivery truck drove past and the driver blasted the horn at the sight of the naked carnival.
This was very painful for Rachel, but it was a standard control technique. From the street to the side walk, Rachel was almost doubled over, the Stilettos making her firm, pinchable butt more prominent. Trying to walk where she was being led, wasn’t easy and she nearly went over on her ankle, as she moved up the first step in a series of five to the side door. Unsteady, with each step, she was feeling more vulnerable and scared.
From the SUV, the Camcorder had caught all this. “Darling, shame I’m on the clock. Otherwise, I’d be buying you drinks.”, the driver of the SUV muttered to himself. The camcorder caught Rachel being led up the steps to the side entrance’s door. Capturing her moving unsteady in the Stilettos being in that control position, her breasts pointing down to the ground. Also, caught the moment of her stumbling face forward, with her ass in the air, one leg trying to get up her body up, the view of her nice butt and sex pointing directly in to the camera. “Oohhhhh! What a lovely sight. This is going to be a great edit”. The side door to the precinct opened, Rachel and the cops disappeared inside. “Ah well”, the camcorder was turned off.
After Rachel went inside the Precinct, the driver just sat there, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. The passenger side door of the SUV opened, the driver looked over. “What kept you? “, mocking the new arrival as she climbed into the auto-mobile.
Malia, out of breath, reached round and placed her bag in to the back, looked at the driver annoyed, “You were already driving, I had to hail a taxi, Cal. And I’ve had to come from the front entrance where I was waiting”. Slowly recovering her breath, “Has Sarah been in touch yet? All I know is what you told me about coming here”.
“Yeah”, Cal looking back at the Police building, “been in touch. Depending on her next call to us. Either Rachel is let go or you’ll have to play dress up.”
“What do you mean?” queried Malia.
“Either, we get told to drive away leaving her to face the music or you pretend to be a Shrink or something.”
Malia protested, “Me? Why should risk myself going in there to get her out?”
“Well, I can’t go in there. Got history with that place.” Intriguing Malia with his tale, he continued, “Start of the year, brought two of my normal clients there. They kicked off when I handed them over, one of them headbutted a Cop.”
Sarcastically, Malia said “Ah, the glamour of a Bounty Hunter!”
“Between this, doing Private Dick work. Bounty Hunting is fun. You should try it!”
Moments later, Malia asked. “How long does it take to get your licence for Bounty Hunting or Private Investigation?”
“Well darling, with your record, Sarah will have to pull a few strings. But that won’t happen until she trusts you.”
“Even after two years?”
Cal responded, looking at Malia, “After nine years working for her, I know she still doesn’t trust me.”
“The things we do for her, she’d ….”
Interrupted by Cal, “Nope! Not even. We both know she pays very well and that we both got questionable ethics to get things done”. That conversation ended. After several minutes, Cal reached down into the Storage compartment between the driver and passenger seats. “D’ya want some Beef Jerky?”
Traffic and walkers, came and went. The A/C of the SUV blasted away, keeping both the occupants cool, as they waited for their next instructions. Soon the Lunch hour was over, eventually Cal’s cell went off.
Putting it to his ear, before he could say ‘hi’, he listened to Sarah’s orders. “Uh huh… She went inside about an hour ago. Is she burned or not?” Listening to the reply to his question, he quietly mouthed to Malia, “Not burnt”.
Continuing the conversation with Sarah, Cal asked surprisingly, “So, let me get this straight if that occurs.. she has to do what again?… That’s a bit risky… Okay! okay! I’ll tell Malia. I’ll keep you informed.” Cal put the cell down, turning to Malia, “Well, your day is going to become even better!”
Cal explained everything to Malia that had been relayed to him by Sarah. Malia shocked, “Jeez! Why does Sarah want Rachel to do that if it happens?”
“Same as you, don’t know. You heard me say it’s risky. Let’s get this done.”
With that both Cal and Malia got out of the SUV, going round to the trunk. Opening the trunk, Malia noticed all the gear Cal had, looking inside the many large plastic boxes. Drinks, food, torches, cable ties, ropes, cuffs, tasers, pepper spray, ID’s, various uniforms, clothing, fake business cards, electronic devices… the works!
Malia reached in one box and pulled out a taser. Pretending to use it on Cal, “hey, be careful with that.” He searched one box, pulling out a lanyard with “Health Research Institute” written on it, “This should work, try these glasses on you.” Cal printed out a couple of suitable fake business cards for Malia to show or hand out as required.
Malia shrugged her shoulders, “Glasses really? How about the white Science coat?” as she perused the trunks clothing wardrobe.
“The coat is my size, too big for you”, responded Cal as he rummaged for some files. “Put these files, in this bag. They just some reports from my day job that I did last week. Don’t let the cops see them.” Malia was warned, as she was handed the bag.
“Just going over what we know. As far as we know, she’s not been processed yet, she shouldn’t have been. She should be held in an office somewhere. Speak to Duty Sargent Smith. You’re trainee Dr. Isabella Martinez who’s collecting Rachel on behalf of Dr. Dominico Di Soto. Get her out as quickly as possible, with little interaction as possible.” Finishing off, “oh yeah, before I forget, here’s the keys to the SUV. Don’t touch anything in here. Once she’s out just get her home.”
“What about her things in the locker?”
Cal searched for a few items from the trunk. Put them in a bag, slung it over his shoulder. “The locker? I guess she’ll have to retrieve those things herself. I need to do some extra things for Sarah. Not Rachel related.”
With that Cal closed the SUV’s trunk, gave Malia the ‘You can do this’ speech and walked to get a taxi. Malia, left on her own now, wondering if she could pull this off without being arrested.
Interesting developments. Looking forward to more.
Also, nice to see the story grouped together now.
Thank you for your kind words.This chapter was difficult trying to balance Rachel’s naked plight, with introducing the basic broader story world in which she and other characters reside.
I think it’s great that you started with an element of mystery. That’s pretty rare in this genre. The plot elements definitely feel ambitious, I like that in a new writer.
It didn’t feel realistic that the cops didn’t take her mask off. Perhaps you could touch that up somehow with either a mask that is locked on, or she gives them a good reason to wait until inside the station before unmasking her. But that might be tough to re-write, as Rachel’s feral attitude was so well done. Or you could just emphasize that they tried to take it off and she was too wild and so decided to do it later.
I might add a transition paragraph describing what Malia looks like. Same for Cal if possible.
I wonder who Sarah is and why she’s going to all this trouble to do this to Rachel. Lots of interesting plot elements.
New paragraph when a new person speaks.
Technically, this should just have 2 POVs. Rachel, and then either Cal or Malia. But don’t worry about POV for now if you think it will slow you down. The story is always the priority. Technical fixes can come later if you so desire.
“Ah well”, the camcorder was turned off. (comma here goes inside the quotes, I know it doesn’t feel right… but I swear it’s true.)
ReaderMan, thank you for your input, this is the best feedback I can get. Seriously, writing on autopilot thinking I’ve got the plot sorted out, my vision was narrowed. I’m glad others have read and taken time to point out issues and how I can improve my writing.
If I was to re-write – How would I go about letting readers know that it’s a re-write so they can re-read it? I’m not opposed to re-writing, I love to have an enjoyable story that doesn’t jerk the reader out of their imagination due to poor thought out scene.
Regarding, re-write/improvements:
As I’ve re-read all the chapters again, the dialogue could be better, I can describe the scenes better and like you say add some description of Cal, Malia, Jeannie and Marcus. I was intending to do that in later chapters, however I can see adding the descriptions earlier, help to make sense to other people when they read it.
Again, first time writer lack of experience, the POV issue will allow me to write better dialogue and scenes as it forces me into their insights, rather than as a third person narrator. The POV will allow me greater freedom in terms of character plot and how to frame story’s, if/when I introduce 1) How Rachel got into her situation and 2) Future naked adventures with Rachel.
You are correct about the mask. It’s currently done so that Rachel’s identity is hidden for now, as this is the first time she’s done this in her city and also after a 3-4 month Summer break from previous naked Jaunts against her will.
If I re-write, regarding the Mask, options that I can think of:
1) Police remove it at the time she’s arrested as she’s put into the Back seat of the car. The taking off of the mask at this stage sets up “recriminations for Rachel for her identity and any punishment from Sarah.”
2) Before she’s arrested she tells the Cops “I must keep it on, please, trust me” pleading type situation hinting at possible recriminations for her if it’s taken off. Sets up “intrigue for Jeannie/Marcus to find out why she’s scared of taking the mask off”
Any other options I’ve not thought of?
The next chapter is about Rachel’s time/interactions within the Police Station and Malia’s attempt to get her out. So the mask issue (is she wearing it still before getting to station or is it removed when she’s at the Police Station?) is important to get right.
I’m currently writing this new chapter, I’m very happy to stop and reshape it according to re-writes.
The cheap latex too big Horse Head mask, is silly I agree. The initial idea was that contrasted with the nice lovely stilettos Rachel is wearing as she show’s off her body. I’m deliberately not describing her body or how she looks too much, as I’d rather the reader create their own image. The other characters I don’t mind helping the readers imagination along.
The mask choices I’ve got are 1) keep the current cheap Latex Horse Head, it’s silly looking, can be used to humiliate Rachel with people laughing 2) Rewrite using a different type of Mask/Ski Mask. Could use a Masked Ball, style mask.
Just thinking all these things through…. I can immediately see how I can improve the 2nd half of chapter 2 when Rachel is walking through the streets.
The feral thing is Rachel normally and even more in the situation she’s in.
Looking like a re-write now 🙂
Any further advice, suggestions are very much welcome.
I want people to enjoy the story and be able to create the images in their heads.
The Literotica type of stories that I’ve generally read and not engaging are: “she pulls his throbbing cock out of his trousers, the mere touch of her hands on his massive member released a Tsunami of Jizz that splashed across her face” genre. I don’t want to go down that route. Maybe in future to mock and jest.
I wouldn’t worry about having readers re-read the corrections. Those that want to might re-read, but most will just want to read the next chapter. Those tips are for the next reader that comes along and for you to grow with.
These were not dramatically needed changes. Just feedback tips as you seem to want feedback.
About the mask, I think you should pick what makes the most sense. Or just leave it be. Another option could be the mask has a lock on it that they can’t undo. Re-writing can be hard, so don’t do it if you don’t feel confident about the task, or if it will screw up your plot plans.
The most important thing is that you enjoy telling your story.
This is still my favourite of the recent submissions. I look forward to more!
Thank you.There will be more. I was in the process of a small re-write of chapter 2 & 3 and writing chapter 4.However, like all “Fun Police”, real life has got in the way, so I can’t write as often as I want.The little re-write of chapters 2 & 3 are small, but needed to set up chapter 4. So these will come first.
Like the story so far. Are you thinking of finishing it.