Comments on: Discovering Melanie Ch. 16

By: Cave

Cave — Tue, 13 Apr 2021 14:26:56 +0000

In reply to BPClavel.

It really did surprise me, once I finally started attempting to write fiction, just how fun it was.

It surprised me as well. It’s also made me more aware as a reader of other’s stories. There are things I notice now that I did not notice before.

If I have to think back to February when someone’s hair color was mentioned, I don’t make the attempt. In other words, I like reminders of such details.

This I need to take note and keep in mind. It’ll be a challenge to find ways to surreptitiously add little detail reminders to the story.

In other words, why not? It’s enjoyable (even if it is unnecessary) to be reminded that a girl is completely bare, has a landing strip or whatever.

Or, as you write here, if I manage a reminder in a fun, exciting way, it could add to the scene in good ways.

Thank you for your thoughts.

By: BPClavel

BPClavel — Sun, 11 Apr 2021 17:28:46 +0000

“Reese is deliciously fun to write.”

I can well imagine. This is a joy that readers who have not tried their hand at writing are likely unaware of. It really did surprise me, once I finally started attempting to write fiction, just how fun it was. I like to read, but now I tell people that writing is ten times the fun. Like with reading, I’m wanting to find out how it comes out. I, of course, know where the story will end up. What I don’t know is if I will be able to pull it off. Will it be rich and satisfying or will it fall flat?

“It’s been mentioned in passing a couple of times…”

Maybe, I’m a writer’s worst nightmare. When I read, I simply immerse myself in the moment. For what ever reason, I tend to lose sight of what has gone on before. It pulls me out of the moment. If I have to think back to February when someone’s hair color was mentioned, I don’t make the attempt. In other words, I like reminders of such details.With movies and TV these reminders are unnecessary, but when the medium is only words, they are.

Here, I was wondering (as Josy does seem to have interest in pussy) if the “ex” was male or female. You only ever referred to this person as the “ex.” At one point, Josy could have called him by name (Robert, say) or she could have said “he.” One small pronoun would have cleared that up for us.

And on the subject of reminders, when tits and/or pussies come out of hiding, I think a brief description is almost always in order. That might be because we are talking “erotica” here. In other words, why not? It’s enjoyable (even if it is unnecessary) to be reminded that a girl is completely bare, has a landing strip or whatever. And there are ways to do it such that it doesn’t seem like a reminder. Like, “…it was embarassing to be seen like this, but Melanie was glad that she found the time to freshen up her bald pussy that morning in the shower.”

Still happily awaiting the next “morsel!”

By: Cave

Cave — Sun, 11 Apr 2021 09:43:37 +0000

In reply to BPClavel.

don’t recall mention of Josy’s ex, at least not in recent chapters. I presume we are talking about a guy.

Yes, Josy had a boyfriend. It's been mentioned in passing a couple of times, at moments one could argue there were more important things going on, so I understand how it wouldn't stick in reader's memories.

But then, our esteemed author manages to lighten things up a bit, introducing us to Reese.

That's one reason I included this last scene in this chapter, even though it was running long already.

It is a deliciously fun scene, especially when Reese says, “I didn’t expect to see pink.”

Reese is deliciously fun to write.

Excellent chapter, Cave!

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

By: BPClavel

BPClavel — Sun, 11 Apr 2021 06:11:43 +0000

I’m glad that Melanie drew the line when it came to telling Josy about time spent with Brian. To my way of thinking, that means that an actual relationship might be starting to form. Had Melanie told Josy everything, that would likely mean that the relationship was just fun and games in Melanie’s mind. But this supposition is not entirely conclusive. We’ve gotten to know Melanie well enough to know that there is another reason that she withholds information from Josy – embarrassment.

I don’t recall mention of Josy’s ex, at least not in recent chapters. I presume we are talking about a guy. He apparently took things past Josy’s comfort zone and/or beyond what she had consented to. Josy, in spite of the risks Mel is willing to take, doesn’t want to become such a person. This is certainly laudable.

It’s interesting to find an author dealing with such a serious topic in the context of an enf series. And while ‘consent’ is a timely topic, it is also a timeless topic. And, thinking back, it is clear that it has been an integral part of this story in the past. For example, Brian wondering if Josy had Mel’s consent to flash her pussy at the elevators.

But it’s unfortunate to learn that Josy is scarred based on what happened in her prior relationship. Lovely how Melanie sought to help her friend by encouraging her to stop holding it in. What followed was an emotionally touching scene, seemingly interrupting some actual touching … trading one for the other. Sort of combining the two as Josy spent the night.

But then, our esteemed author manages to lighten things up a bit, introducing us to Reese. I believe she’s been there in the past, but from now on I will definitely be noticing her. She surprises us by telling Mel, “If you want to pull your feet up on the couch, don’t let me stop you.” She expects Mel to be wearing panties. Mel surprises us (me anyway) by doing it. It is a deliciously fun scene, especially when Reese says, “I didn’t expect to see pink.”

And then this week’s chapter ends on a cliffhanger. I’m hoping that Reese isn’t alone at Melanie’s door. The audience of two that Reese suggested would be a fun note for the story to continue on.

Excellent chapter, Cave! Three mini-chapters, actually. Emotionally very satisfying. A bit heavy at moments, but you brought Reese in before the curtain closed, ending on a light, upbeat note.
Blair

By: Cave

Cave — Sat, 10 Apr 2021 19:32:56 +0000

Thank you ReaderMan and arthwys, I’m glad you enjoyed the chapter. Yes, some new developments and revelations.

With some very sexy “foreplay”.

I like the choice of words and the quote marks 🙂

A literal rainbow of human feelings, sprinkled with lots of hot action.

Good ingredients are essential for a tasty meal.

By: ReaderMan

ReaderMan — Sat, 10 Apr 2021 18:35:08 +0000

Yes, a strong chapter. It was playful, teasing, sexy, emotionally touching and surprises us with depth as well. A full range of beautiful human emotions including Melanie being embarrassed at various times throughout. A literal rainbow of human feelings, sprinkled with lots of hot action. This is ENF writing at its best.

Two budding relationships (even if one is in denial) both loaded with potential – plus now we have Reese. I wonder what Reece is up to? 🙂

By: arthwys

arthwys — Fri, 09 Apr 2021 19:05:48 +0000

I agree with ReaderMan, this is also my favorite chapter so far. For me the most important part of the story is the relationship between the three main characters. The relationship between Melanie and Brian is relatively well defined (“boy meets girl”), with an interesting match of both their fetishes but also with many uncertainties.
The relationship between Josy and Melanie is still mysterious. That’s why I liked the scene where they had this very important talk. With some very sexy “foreplay”. Now it is a little bit clearer, but only a little bit. I am very curious how it will continue.
What I didn’t like was the cliffhanger. How can you do this to us? Now I have to check in every day to see if there is a new chapter!
Only joking, I love surprises in stories and I didn’t expect this with Reese. You mentioned a couple of times her “soft and gentle voice”. But I have doubts she really is so soft and gentle.

By: ReaderMan

ReaderMan — Fri, 09 Apr 2021 16:07:24 +0000

Wow… I loved this chapter. My favorite so far.