Hi Justanotherwriter, thank you for the clarification. Indeed, I assumed that ‘naive narrator’ is what you meant, but it is nice to get confirmation.

One thing to note, this happened at Josy’s apartment, so it is with people Melanie does not know very well yet, as opposed to her own roommates.

Thank you for the offer to discuss technical writing matters, I appreciate it. Currently it is not needed, but perhaps after I finish this story, or before I consider writing a new story I will look more into the technical writing. This is a fun exploration into writing for me.

Thank you for the comment, Blair.

It is a joy to find out what sentences a reader likes (while it is also helpful to find out which sentences don’t work or are disliked). It also helps me to grow as a beginning writer.

… platonic …

That begs the question, who wants it to be?

Excellent question.

I really loved all the emotion that the characters, Melanie especially, were experiencing as intimacy levels progressed past prior milestones. Additionally, I liked that Josy seemed to make progress when it came to the skeletons in her closet, her (Josy’s) fear of pushing her (Melanie). Not wanting to be like her ex is a significant consideration for this one. 

I have this habit of marking sentences and/or phrases that stand out to me. This is me admiring the author’s craft as I enjoy the underlying story. Here are a few things that received that treatment this week: 

Josy inched away from Melanie’s chest and looked up with a question in her eyes.

 I doubt I’ve run into another writer that is so skillful when it comes to having a look stand in for actual dialogue. 

Melanie felt it puckering up before Josy’s mouth closed…

 Nice! 

She could hardly pretend this was still platonic.

 That begs the question, who wants it to be? 

…bathing Melanie’s nipple in saliva…

“We’ll have to be unfair this time.”

 I love it when an author manages sentences like this – sentences that don’t mean much by themselves, but mean everything in context – because this is how people really talk. 

…left her skimpy panties sitting unevenly on her hips…

 Haven’t we all seen that? A complete image in just a few words.

 Her eyes fluttered as her abdominal muscles contracted in response…

…or her lingering arousal?

…remembering what she was and wasn’t wearing.

 So nice. So many authors, at that point, feel the need to describe what is being worn – even though it is completely unnecessary – we readers have not forgotten. I could go on, but I think I made my point. I admire this writer’s ability with the written word. But, one final example from this week’s chapter. 

As Melanie lay there, she knew she was in trouble.

 Such a nice note to end on. And, for the record, I’m glad that Melanie realizes that she’s in trouble. I want her to be in trouble. This very much has me looking forward to next week.

Thank you, I’m glad you’re enjoying the story.

Thank you for the comment. It’s quite interesting (and fun) to read a reader’s thoughts and observations of the threads that run through the story. In many ways, this is not a traditional ENF story, and I often wonder how it is received, so it is nice to get some feedback that addresses this difference.

I didn’t know what the term meant and also looked it up. I suppose that Melanie can be seen as a little bit naive in her perception of other characters in the story, and I assume that’s what Justanotherwriter meant. After all, it’s been mentioned (and hinted) in the story that Melanie sometimes has difficulty reading people’s moods and expressions.