Great comments Blair (on Cave’s strong writing and pacing). I need to keep this pacing thing in mind as I write. And I agree. Josy is a lot of fun and some of these scenes had amazing, in the moment, pacing. This is what writing is all about.

When I used the term ‘pacing,’ I was ignoring time jumps. In my mind, those are separate from pacing. What you are good at, as I see it, is constantly be telling the reader exactly what he/she is most curious about at any particular moment. As we read a scene, such as your bus scene, our mind is typically one step ahead. She unsnaps her pants, is she going to pull them down? Are there people on the bus who can see? Can the bus driver see? Did she put her pants right back on? Everything that happens creates a question. Often it is about the setting or her clothing. Is it dark out? What style and color are her panties?
 
Now, if a writer starts telling us all kinds of things that we aren’t wondering about, then the reader feels like skimming — to jump ahead to what is important. That’s why it is good to do description in just a sentence or less. If suddenly the main character is nude and then the writer starts describing the shape of the clouds in the sky (for a paragraph of two), then we are going to want to jump ahead to find the answer to what we are wondering about.
 
In other words, pacing is all about telling the story in a quick logical manner — no jumping around — once a scene is in motion. At least, that is my opinion on the subject (shooting from the hip here).

Hi Blair,

I’m glad you enjoyed the chapter and thank you for your kind words.

It’s good to hear that things like pacing of the story are okay, since the story often switches from jumping through a week in just a few sentences to spending half a chapter on a short trip home by bus and walk. Pacing, I suppose, depends very much on what the picture the writer tries to paint for the reader. It’s not something I consciously work towards, but rather go by feeling, giving it my own subjective bias.

The seriously bad jokes… you say Brian is to blame, but it was not my intent to make him look that bad. He’ll have to try another way to appeal to his charming side.

The premise of Mel’s not putting on her pants. For a large part it was Josy who convinced her that there was no time, or it wasn’t the right place. Mel was convinced – or perhaps just went along with it – in part because of her craving, as you say.

The last sentence was originally part of the previous paragraph, but since it became the cliffhanger, I separated it for emphasis. The phrasing could have been better, but at least you still got the meaning correct in the end.

Cave

Wow, there is so much here and I loved reading all your thoughts, ideas and speculations. I’m sorry, it’s too much to respond to everything, so I’ll just say thank you for this. It inspires me to write even more.

Ahh yes! That’s probably what it is. Maybe every time she feels deep feelings for Mel, it freaks her out. Like you said, gay panic. That totally makes sense. I guess we will have to wait to find out. I hope they can get through this somehow, because it sounds potentially serious.

You could be right of course. Maybe I’m just reading it wrong. Josy seems fun and playful at one time then suddenly closes off. That’s why I asked if she was feeling guilty or if it was just gay panic. She just recognises that she’s having feelings for another woman and that’s freaking her out. Melanie seems to have accepted her feelings for Josy quite easily.

I could be wrong, but it doesn’t feel like Josy is having mood swings. It seems like something else is going on here. Likely something is making her afraid to fully commit.