I had to lookup Mary Sue, I feel more adult and educated already. Thanks! I’m sure you could make some Elves with decent character flaws if you tried. Actually, Thumbs was hardly perfect. Oh come on, just because your friend liked Drizzt – but yeah, rule mongers are the worst. I also ran some games. I loved to design morale dilemma adventures. I had a couple good Orcs as well, and once a vampire with a ring that changed his alignment to Lawful Good. And this little magical obscured monster the party had to hunt down that was taking out the towns guards. A mission for the city. It was a pre-teen girl who’s father was was murdered and her employer a powerful mage, also was taken out by the corrupt city leaders. She had a lot of powerful magic items, recovered from her employer, and was passionately seeking revenge on the city’s guards. It was kinda messed up. But was quite dramatic when the party slowly, gradually, found out that they were on the wrong side.

I thought I would be in love with Ilya Thumbs, I think Yutjaa quickly became the main character, and, now I just want to write more for Yutjaa.

Sounds like you are getting over your elf issues. But yeah, I could read some more of Yutjaa. She’s pretty cool. I’m sure she could do a hell of a BP story too!

Not sure what I would do with polymorph.

Oh right, it morphs the clothing as well, never mind that one.

I would love to hear what soured you on elves. Although Wood elves and Dark elves aren’t the most friendly races, but still. No doubt, you were the dungeon master.

As an adult, I would say that they are the Mary Sues of D&D. They have all the advantages and none of the drawbacks. I killed off the Sylvans and had the dungeons and ruins be old Elven cities, then made the Drow into monstrous Nosferatu, this was before Elder Scrolls made the Falmer, and the Wood Elves into cannibalistic swamp dwellers. As a kid, I hated Elves, and Wolverine because my friend would always play a double sword-wielding ranger name Logan, and was a rule-mongering prick to everyone. I still miss that guy sometimes. As a DM, the player could still play a normal elf, but they would be feared and subjected to racism. 

A great job with all three characters. Very distinct personalities. I especially liked the female Orc.

There is always a surprising standout character for me. I thought I would be in love with Ilya Thumbs, I think Yutjaa quickly became the main character, and, now I just want to write more for Yutjaa.

I’m not sure the new rules and classes and such. But fireball seems like a normal old style spell. Umm… Mending(reversed)? and Heat Metal and Polymorph self?

All spells are fair game, Ilya is a straight-up Wizard. I have ideas for Mending and Heat Metal. Not sure what I would do with polymorph.

At that instant, the Ogre clutched his hand about Gurdy’s waist and lifted her effortlessly into the air. “Run Elf! Don’t let me die!”

Good action/drama.

Then the hairy grey hand that held Gurdy’s life was hit by a fiery missile. Ilya was still breathing hard from her running, she needed to get in better condition for this sort of thing, the 4 fingers of her right hand emitting trails of smoke.

Great move, for an ‘elf’.

Yutjaa’s black hair was pulled back into a ponytail. With her lifestyle, it would be wiser just to cut it short, but even though Yutjaa openly mocked womanly tcotchkis, she actually liked being a girl and wouldn’t change that. Who would tell her no?

Nice paragraph, fleshing out a bit of Yutjaa.

Her life among humans was difficult, even though her actions were in their interests, she was still seen as the enemy. The lack of male Orcs around didn’t help her foul mood. She was afraid she would break a human man. 

Well done with squeezing in tidbits of info here and there.

Cute Elf girls did not make things easier.

lol

The Elf scooped up the guano in a kerchief and took a whiff to check on its freshness. She regretted that straight away. It was fresh.

Great action too, and funny. We can totally see this reaction.

“I promise you a good death monster, but your time,” Yutjaa called, “is Ogre!”

Her puns are so bad that I almost missed them, but funny regardless.

The flame drifting above Ilyas’s hand was now blue and turning white. The fire pulled power from the rune, causing the mark to fade from her skin as it took its design for itself. 

The delay was well done. Good amping up the tension. Obviously you were a very good DM.

….aaand done!

A great job with all three characters. Very distinct personalities. I especially liked the female Orc. Thanks for sharing!

 I don’t mean to be confusing, but I also don’t like hand-holding the reader through everything. I think it’s fun to decipher the language as you go.

That’s fair. Although I think Hemingway kinda did a little of both. No hand holding, but also not confusing.

Okay, so I hate Elves, for… reasons. Think of “Elf” as a derogatory term such as Outlander, or Gypsy. Not exactly racist, but not the nicest thing to call someone either. This is set in my old D&D world where I depict Dark Elves as being white-skinned Nosferatu-like creatures and Wood Elves, like Ilya Thumbs, as Chameleon-like.

I would love to hear what soured you on elves. Although Wood elves and Dark elves aren’t the most friendly races, but still. No doubt, you were the dungeon master.

So please suggest a spell, and what kind of situations you would like Yutjaa the Orc, Hurdy Gurdy, and Ilya Thumbs to get into.

Lemme look online to remind myself of Druid spells. hmm… There might be some potential with feign death, charm monster, stone skin.

Elfs? I’m not sure the new rules and classes and such. But fireball seems like a normal old style spell. Umm… Mending(reversed)? and Heat Metal and Polymorph self?

Sorry, I forgot again who the Bosley was. I guess it’s the Bard. It’s cool that we have an adventuring party of three females.

My fault, the word is actually Boswell, not Bosley, I have gone back and fixed it. Referring to biographer James Boswell, and specifically a line from Sherlock Holmes “I am lost without my Boswell.” (Watson) I just thought it was a good word to use if you don’t want to say Bard all the time. I don’t mean to be confusing, but I also don’t like hand-holding the reader through everything. I think it’s fun to decipher the language as you go. 

Not sure if this is describing Ilya (I’ve never heard of a half reptilian elf, but then I haven’t played in decades) or if this is the race description of the bard. 

Okay, so I hate Elves, for… reasons. Think of “Elf” as a derogatory term such as Outlander, or Gypsy. Not exactly racist, but not the nicest thing to call someone either. This is set in my old D&D world where I depict Dark Elves as being white-skinned Nosferatu-like creatures and Wood Elves, like Ilya Thumbs, as Chameleon-like. 

And Gurdy the bard of unknown race.

Hurdy Gurdy is a Selke. It’s an Irish mermaid legend that seals take off their skin and walk on land as human women.  

Yutjaa grunted and laid back down, crossing her arms over her stomach. “Would you like me to lay with you Yutjaa?”Yutjaa asked to lay with herself? Typo? Who said this?

You are right about this, I went back and added some more Honorifics throughout. I will probably do more, but not worth rereading anything. 

Then she will enjoy a long walk back to town with her two naked companions, frequently needing alone time. In town, Yutjaa will insist on getting new horses before clothing thus making for a lovely Lady Godiva moment for the town to enjoy. Gurdy will get most the the eyeballs because Ilya will be the color of the horse and laying forward to hide herself. But Gurdy won’t mind, that much, she likes being the centre of attention.

Ha ha! I love all of that, It might be the opening of the next installment. The idea is to have an adventure centered around a different spell, that always ends in disaster, and nudity, for the party.  So please suggest a spell, and what kind of situations you would like Yutjaa the Orc, Hurdy Gurdy, and Ilya Thumbs to get into.  Big D:Damn it, man! Stop reading ahead! 

“Now go, and be careful.” The Bosley spun the cute young Forestling about by her shoulders and gave her a playful smack on her pert little rump.

Sorry, I forgot again who the Bosley was. I guess it’s the Bard. It’s cool that we have an adventuring party of three females.

“You’re right. Thumbs does have a gorgeous backside.” Ilya heard Yutjaa comment, as she scampered away. “I will be the one to spank her next, yes?”

I forget exactly how much was showing at this point.

 “Over here Knife-Ears help me with it. Hurry.”

Now that’s a great taunting nick-name for an elf. And it’s not confusing because it’s clear who it’s addressing and in dialog.

Yutjaa began jogging towards the Ogre. “Well, put something on, it’s distracting me.”

lol

That was the nicest thing the Orc had ever said to her and it made Ilya’s blush

Nice response, but I think there is a space in the paragraph that shouldn’t be there.

The Ogre brought the Selke to its mouth and let out an ear-shattering roar that caused the leaves of nearby trees to swirl away.

Yikes!

Likely a shorter story this time. As always I’d love to hear speculation / a wish list of things you’d like to see happen.

I agree with Big D. Yutjaa will roll in and put her sword in the Oger’s foot, causing it to stumble and drop Gurdy. Then Ilya will blast it hopefully, with the protection working. Then after everyone recovers from the blast and before the Oger can sit stand up, Yutjaa will take out the throat. Then she will enjoy a long walk back to town with her two naked companions, frequently needing alone time. In town, Yutjaa will insist on getting new horses before clothing thus making for a lovely Lady Godiva moment for the town to enjoy. Gurdy will get most the the eyeballs because Ilya will be the color of the horse and laying forward to hide herself. But Gurdy won’t mind, that much, she likes being the centre of attention.

“What,” asked Yutjaa, “is that smell Thumbs?”

I’m all for a lively start, but it trips up a bit with all the new characters. Since the elf answered, I assumed the elf was ‘Thumbs’. I guess Gurdy is a bard, as there was a musical internment. Okay soon we see Ilyna is the elf and she’s making a rune. And we learn Yutjaa is an Orc, which is unusual, but not unusual for adventuring parties to be somewhat inclusive.

“No,” Yutjaa corrected angrily. “Thumbs lit my blanket on fire. Now there’s a big hole in it.”

Even though Thumbs wasn’t mentioned yet, and it sounds like it could be a thief name, thumbs kinda feels the opposite of dexterity so it’s a bad thief name if it is so.

“No,” Yutjaa corrected angrily. “Thumbs lit my blanket on fire. Now there’s a big hole in it.”Ilya put down the reed and mallet looking hurt. Gurdy played peacemaker, “Ilya said she was sorry Yutjaa, and she gave you the gold for it.”

This part throws me. Is Ilya, Thumbs? I don’t recommend using two ways to reference one character, especially at the start. I mean, these are interesting characters, just it’s important to not confuse the reader at the start.

“Gold I have to spend on a new blanket!” The Orc roared. She took a deep breath, for once Yutjaa wanted a job to go smoothly. Ilya was the most inexperienced conjuror in the guild, but she was the only one willing to work with Yutjaa.
 
Hurdy Gurdy was here because she was good at calming the Orc down. Yutjaa grumbled something about wanting to be alone and stomped off.

Okay, cool. So just three characters I guess. A female Orc leader. An inexperienced non-racist, Elf conjurer. And Gurdy the bard of unknown race.

The young elf’s black reptilian eyes darted around anxiously. Her skin turned almost as blue as her own. The Bosley was reminded that these beautiful forest creatures could change their skin color and move their visual orbs independently as lizards did.

Not sure if this is describing Ilya (I’ve never heard of a half reptilian elf, but then I haven’t played in decades) or if this is the race description of the bard. I don’t know what a Bosley is.

“Yutrus’s Puss!” Shouted Yutjaa from the bushes. “I’m going to kill that inept gecko!”

This was funny. Interrupting poor Yutjaa.

“With a rune, I can contrive a more complex spell, a more powerful magical fire that won’t harm you or Yutjaa, something I wouldn’t normally be able to cast.”“That’s why you needed our hair?” asked Gurdy.

Considering the name of the story. I assume this protection for her and her friends from powerful magical fire. So this is likely important.

Yutjaa grunted and laid back down, crossing her arms over her stomach. “Would you like me to lay with you Yutjaa?”

Yutjaa asked to lay with herself? Typo? Who said this?

“I want you all to shut up!” The Shield-Sister jumped to her feet and mumbled something about wanting to be alone.

So still just 3 characters I assume. This ‘shield-sister’ is another nickname? I assume it’s Yutjaa. I’ll continue this later. It’s a good start but tripping a bit on the nicknames and who’s who sometimes. I love the setup, just needs some technical fixes and maybe toss the nicknames a they seem like ‘other characters’ suddenly added into the mix.