Good morning gentle readers! I’m glad to see such a response to my last post. My trying time is getting a bit worse but kind words and good thoughts will carry me over the hump, or at least I hope so. I can’t afford to quit this job, not if I want to be retired by my mid-thirties. I will keep my eyes on the prize.
My training sessions with Ms. East have started. She has an office on the east side of the building and the windows have this coating to reflect the rays of the morning sun so the occupant is not overpowered. It gives the room an ominous amber light, especially when the overheads are turned off. Ms. East likes to keep them off, especially when she is working on me.
As you may recall, these training session were insisted upon my Mrs. West. She was disappointed I did not orgasm at the last board meeting within the required five minutes. As such, Ms. East’s program is all about training my body to become more easily stimulated and orgasm when required. Ms. East is convinced this will take many sessions, but she says she has successfully trained others before. She says her shining accomplishment was a mailgirl who could withhold orgasm for hours during intercourse, and alternatively, orgasm in the standard mailgirl standing position without touching herself in under a minute.
To get that much command over my own sexuality? A few bumps and bruises would be definitely worth it. I’ll let you know how it goes.
On to my other project; After much debate with board members and input from both DDE and Mailgirl Enterprises we’ve narrowed down the three essential elements of valuating a mailgirl to efficiency, aesthetics, and experience. All three elements are given equal weight in the final calculation as none of them are more important that the other. In these negotiations I was very much pushing for mailgirls to be rated on things they could control, like job performance. The non-mailgirls however wanted to weight things more heavily like beauty and body symmetry, purely subjective valuations that could change from reviewer-to-reviewer. Basically some wanted “hotter” mailgirls to be worth more, but such was worthless if they could not do the job.
Still, pretty mailgirls have more value if all things were even, so aesthetics became an equal share. I felt efficiency was much more important, and some exec’s including Mrs. West saw my side of it, but a starting mailgirl had no completed runs to be evaluated. So experience became the balancing factor between beauty and speed.
All three of these values break down further into three categories. I don’t want to overwhelm you with numbers so for today I’ll start with my favorite; the Efficiency Quotient. A mail-girl’s E.Q. is made up of three things: number of runs, number of bonuses, and number of demerits. As these are hard numbers and already tracked by the MMU it is easy to extrapolate that data in a simple formula:
(Runs + Bonuses – Demerits)/Runs
It’s really that simple. On average a mailgirl does six runs per hour, 40 hours a week for 50 weeks a year (or 100 weeks in a two-year contract): meaning a hypothetical average mailgirl does 24,000 runs per contract. Data shows bonuses average only one or two percent of runs (so split the difference at 1.5%) for an average of 360 bonuses. And demerits range from company to company but average between ten and thirty percent, so call it 20%, for an average of 4,800 demerits. So add the runs and bonuses as positives, subtract the demerits as negatives, and divide by the total number of runs:
(24,000 + 360 – 4,800)/24,000 = 0.815 <—— Efficiency Quotient
So 81.5% of the time the average mailgirl will meet or exceed the expectations of the MMU and complete her runs without getting a demerit. That is good but leaves room for improvement.
I’m thinking of keeping my ‘girls updated on what their E.Q. is weekly. Mailgirls are big on self-regulation and will know to pick up the pace, beat their high score, etc. This is a good solid number for evaluating what a mailgirl does and I like it very much.
But not everyone is here for the math. I don’t want to overload you with numbers so let’s get to the mailbag.
Today we have a hot one from the Emerald City. “Pleasantly Confused Oliver” has a time sensitive question:
“I stop on my way to work at a coffee shop, (the one with the green logo and stupid size names. I want a large not a venti, but I digress). I don’t go there for the brown sludge that I could easily make at home. I go there for the scenery. Mailgirls from all over the Seattle area pick up their bosses’ coffee at this location due to some bribery of the health inspector. Who says coffee and nudity don’t mix? Just this morning while waiting in line, I was staring at the taught back muscles of a raven-haired amazon. After she placed her order, she sat on her knees and had her hands behind her head. It was such an erotic sight. I couldn’t help but take a couple of peaks above my newspaper. When I left with my cup of Joe, I had to text my buddies about this woman, and I wasn’t paying attention to where I was walking. I walked smack into the naked delivery woman and the coffees got all over our clothes/body. To make a long story short, we got to talking and she actually asked me out. Can you believe that? We are meeting after work at the same coffee place. This leaves me with a lot of questions. I need your help, Number Six. What would we even talk about? Should we kiss at the end of a first date? What should I wear because I’m pretty sure she’s showing up naked?- Pleasantly Confused Oliver”
Oh Pleasantly Confused Oliver, you are in for a treat. Mailgirls on their off time tend to be very forward. If you two met because of an accident I would suggest you don’t force anything. She will probably let you know what she wants. If you were funny or cute that might be all that she is looking for, if you were apologetic and treated her like a person that might be all she wants too. I don’t know the girl so can’t really say, but I would think if you got that far so quickly you are doing something right.
So how do I suggest something that would help you and be useful for my other lovely readers? Well here is a short guide on what to do when a mailgirl asks you out.
1. Lean in to what got you to the show. Were you trying to be funny, cute, demanding? Some mailgirls like a strong instructive tone, others want to laugh to relieve stress. What got you the show is what she is looking for. Don’t give her orders if she wants to laugh, but don’t joke if she wants to be commanded. You are not in a full blown relationship yet so don’t expect the full rainbow, just be cool and relax. Let her lead you.
2. No expectations. This might lead to something, this might not. Just because she works as a mailgirl don’t expect her to show up naked. Don’t expect a first kiss. Don’t expect sex or a second date. Just talk with her, dare I say even ask her what she wants. First kisses are not guaranteed, neither is sex, but they might happen. She will tell you and you can take it from there.
3. Relax. Seriously, relax. She’s not at work and neither are you. Relax and have fun. Talk to her like a person and let her blow off a little steam. She’ll let you know if she wants anything more.
4. Apply common sense. Don’t take her to a titty bar. Don’t take her to a dance club. And avoid corporate-casual hangouts like Applebee’s or the local bar people go to after office hours. She does not want to run into people she works with. Her off hours are her time so figure out what she wants. Bookstore? Coffee shop? Long walk by the pier? Feeding ducks at the park? All better options because after eight hours of being objectified office equipment she probably just wants to be talked to like a person.
5. Have fun. Seriously, have fun. I know it seems I like handed you a big list of “don’t” but don’t remember to “do”. Its all good. She asked you out. Go ahead and have fun.
Also it never hurts to bring a condom 😉
Seriously. Bring a condom. I can’t tell you how many dates I’ve had when they thought it wasn’t going well but I asked them in, discreetly took my clothes off, and propositioned them for sex, only to find out they don’t have rubbers. So aggravating. I’m down to clown but not for HPV (or whatever else they may have). So, so aggravating.
Let us know how the date goes Oliver. Are you relationship material? Dating? Friends with benefits? A reliable fuck? With mailgirls there is a spectrum of boyfriend material and M.G.’s tend to be pretty forward about such things. Let us know how it turns out. I’m so very curios.
Well, that is all for this week ladies and gents. I hope you found this post enlightening. I had issues with my last laptop and lost access to some responses and questions. I’ll cherry pick the ones I can but if something is pressing on you please ask again. Thanks for reading; And remember, Health and Efficiency matters!