Comments on: Nadine’s Dilemma: Ch1 – Swimming pools

By: Hate It

Hate It — Wed, 04 Mar 2026 21:42:45 +0000

Worst thing I have ever read.

By: Oran

Oran — Tue, 25 Jan 2022 01:02:07 +0000

OK, I get what you are saying. Consider adding at least some short descriptions for speaking characters. I think that’s what I generally see in novels also. With respect to the game, I’m programming it, doing the artwork and even composing some of it’s music. Yes, people like to tell me I’m a jack of all trades. I’m not going to start it till sometime after Easter, as I need to save up to get a proper GPU to render the scenes. The artwork will be done in Daz 3D Studio (it’s a lot easier to use than you think), and I’m using the Ren’py engine to program it (it’s the best Visual Novel Engine available). I created a game last year using this technique already, but I’m still testing the version 1.0, but you could download version 0.05 right now at https://alliterativeactivities.itch.io/good-girl-giselle. This game contains around 30 animated sex scenes. Version 1.0 will contain 49. It has an interesting story too, not as deep as I want to go with Nadine’s Dilemma.

By: ReaderMan

ReaderMan — Thu, 20 Jan 2022 17:28:17 +0000

Ahh… a plan with the friends – that sounds good. Focusing on the journey is always wise. This is a good setup. By black and white I meant it feels very clear that the team is not at all worried about giving her some trouble. Explain? Well Mercia is characterized nicely with her actions, and attitude but are all the swim team girls exactly the same? Do they all look the same? How many are there now? Are they all brunettes with half shaved heads and short? Do they all talk the same? I’m not saying you have to go crazy with descriptions, especially if they are minor characters that won’t be around in the future, but whenever someone speaks you can add in a tiny thing that makes that person stand out a bit. However, I also like the brisk pacing you have so I wouldn’t want to slow that down too much. I really don’t think you need to change a thing. But you did ask for suggestions so this is what pops into my mind. My hope going forward is that things are not easy to guess about what will happen next. But even if they are, if well executed that can be enjoyable as well. So you are making a game? Are you an artist or programmer as well? This is all very interesting and I wonder if she will escape or what will happen with that guy that caught her. Looking forward to the next chapter!

By: Oran

Oran — Thu, 20 Jan 2022 15:09:22 +0000

In reply to ReaderMan.

the friends strong reaction to her going with her team members to celebrate seemed a bit off. I was expecting some disappointment, but not such strong anger as they should be happy for her as well, right?

This was done on purpose. It will payoff in future chapters.

Some things seem kind of black and white, but that can be refreshing sometimes too – a firm direction.

I'm trying to focus more on the journey than the destination. A lot of times, the journey is more memorable.

Some general advice might be to characterize some of your characters with something unique.

Can you explain this further?

By: ReaderMan

ReaderMan — Sun, 16 Jan 2022 08:03:38 +0000

That sounds great. I’m kind of out of it at the moment, about to goto sleep. But from what I remember the friends strong reaction to her going with her team members to celebrate seemed a bit off. I was expecting some disappointment, but not such strong anger as they should be happy for her as well, right? So that was one thing I wasn’t sure about, but I didn’t mind your direction as well. It was just surprising. Some general advice might be to characterize some of your characters with something unique. I liked all of the dialog and the story structure seems good and well paced. Some things seem kind of black and white, but that can be refreshing sometimes too – a firm direction. It’s a compelling start and I am looking forward for more.

“What’s going on I thought to myself.”

Probably don’t need quotes here. Or ‘What’s going on,’ I thought to myself. Or… I wondered what was going on.

By: Oran

Oran — Sat, 15 Jan 2022 19:01:46 +0000

In reply to ReaderMan. I have already started the second chapter. I think I can write 4 to 7 chapters in this story (but longer chapters though). I have an outline of events to happen, but feedback from commenters can sometimes reveal more interesting story beats or plot points that can enhance the narrative. I also like constructive criticism. I think of it as market research. You get insight into what people are thinking as they read your story. I like to know if I forgot about some story element, if I made a mistake somewhere, or if something just isn't making sense.

By: ReaderMan

ReaderMan — Sat, 15 Jan 2022 07:14:42 +0000

Hey Oran, it’s a fun start. Nadine is interesting. Nice cliffhanger. Do you have more written already? I can see this style of story being popular around here. What type of feedback are you looking for?

By: Big D

Big D — Fri, 14 Jan 2022 22:05:42 +0000

Great to have a new author here. We’ll be glad to help with the story of the game by giving feedback. So far this is a solid start.

By: Chris

Chris — Fri, 14 Jan 2022 21:08:43 +0000

A little short but a good beginning

By: Oran

Oran — Fri, 14 Jan 2022 13:26:34 +0000

Good day everyone, I’m the author. I only found this website this week, and I like some of the stories so much I wanted to share my own. This story is actually for a game I am developing (an adult visual novel). I actually haven’t started it yet, but this website can give me feedback on the story.