Charlotte looked over to the bathtub, smiling at the thought of having a long, relaxing hot bath. After that ugly fight she had with her husband, she really needed it. She once again regretted getting married at such an early age. She had just turned nineteen a few days before the wedding. But her father had thought it was a good match. From his view, his financial point of view, it certainly was. All this talk about the modern age, the glorious nineteenth century, had nothing to do with her. As a daughter, she just had to do what her father said.
Sighing, she stepped in, slowly submerging herself in the hot water. She leaned backwards, till only her face was above the surface, and stayed like this for a long time. But finally her head emerged from the water again. She hesitated. Were there voices coming from behind the door? She shook the water out of her ears and listened again. Yes, she was sure, someone was shouting something, but she couldn’t make out the meaning of it.
Looking around, she frowned. She had thought she was alone, so she hadn’t bothered to take her clothes with her, but because she was so upset after the argument with her husband, she had completely forgotten to take a towel.
When she climbed out of the bathtub, she heard the voice outside approaching the bathroom door. Who was it, she wondered? It was the voice of a woman, but there shouldn’t be anyone here. There simply must not be anyone here, she thought desperately. I am completely naked! The cool breeze coming from the window made her even more aware of her nudity.
She looked at the window. There was a curtain on both sides of it. She quickly walked over and hid behind it. She shivered a little, both due to the wetness on her body, but also because she was scared the stranger might enter the bathroom and discover her.
*****
“Darling,” Clarice called over to her husband. “I thought we were in a bit of a hurry. Why are you taking a bath now? We have to leave soon, otherwise we will miss the first act of the play! You know there is a lot of traffic!”
When she didn’t get a reply, she stomped over to the bathroom, frowning. Why was Chris always so thoughtless, she wondered, getting more and more annoyed about him the closer she got to the bathroom door. When she just wanted to press down the door handle to open the door, she heard his voice. From upstairs.
“Honey, I am ready. Let’s go!” he announced with his deep voice. The old wooden staircase made some creaking noises when he came down from the master bedroom to the hall on the first floor.
Confused, she looked at the bathroom door. Through the still closed door she could clearly hear a stream of water filling the bathtub.
“Did you forget to turn off the water?” she asked him while she opened the door and entered the room. She stared at the bathtub filled with steaming water. Quickly, she walked over to the tub to turn off the water. But it was off already. Confused, she looked around. She noticed that if Chris had prepared himself a hot bath, he would have put some towels on the stool next to the tub. Looking around again, her gaze stopped at the sight of some wet footprints.
“Hey!” she shouted, trying not to sound scared. “Who are you? I will call the police to get you arrested for breaking and entering!”
She looked closer at the footprints. They were left from a pair of dainty bare feet, obviously belonging to a young woman. She felt bolder now, being convinced that the intruder was a young woman, maybe even naked, because the footprints led to a curtain, where she apparently was hiding. She didn’t consider a naked young woman a serious danger, so she briskly walked over to the curtain, pulling it to the side in a quick movement.
It really was a young woman, in her early twenties, her wet hair looking very dark, hanging down over her bare breasts. She looked up in shock at the much taller Clarice. With wide open eyes the naked girl continued staring at her, before she crouched down, trying to cover her body. She didn’t say a word, she didn’t make a single sound when she moved.
“What are you doing in our house?” Clarice shouted at her, getting more and more angry at the intruder. She lost all her fear now, seeing the naked girl flinching away from her. The girl’s mouth was wide open in a scream, but still she didn’t manage to make a sound.
“I will teach you!” Clarice quickly bent down to grab her hair. She froze in shock. Her hand had passed through the girl’s hair and through her shoulder. Clarice recoiled and stumbled back a few steps. She stared at the young woman, who moved up from her crouching position. They both looked fixedly at each other, both in shock. The girl turned her head frantically around, looking for an escape. There were small trickles of water running down her breasts, stomach and legs, forming a small puddle around her feet. Her skin looked pale white in the fading light of the early evening.
Clarice let out a short scream. “What… Who…” She didn’t finish, when she noticed that she could see the tiled wall shining faintly through the girl’s body. Although she could see every detail of her naked body, her perky breasts and the dark bush between her legs, she seemed translucent, the tiles shining through her. Clarice turned, wanting to run out of the bathroom, but hit the bathtub and stumbled down. Frantically, she grabbed for the rim of the tub to steady herself and get up. When she let go of the rim, she looked at her hand, seeing red drops trickling down. She froze, when she saw the water in the bathtub had turned red.
With a loud scream, she ran through the door and slammed it behind her.
*****
“Hello Mr. and Mrs. Williams. Glad you could make it on such short notice,” the estate agent greeted them with a professional, but tense looking smile. “Please come in,” she said, and opened the door for them.
Her customers entered the generous foyer, looking around curiously. “This house, or should I say mansion, is really spacious,” Mr. Williams remarked. “Surprising, that such a property is available on the market. May I ask why the previous owners want to sell it?”
“Well,” the estate agent hesitated a bit. “The wife of the owner suddenly got quite ill. She thought it would be best for her health if she moved back to her hometown, to her parents. She hopes, I guess, a familiar environment will be good for her recovery.”
Mrs. Williams nodded understandingly. “The house with the big garden looks really lovely. It is from the last century, isn’t it?”
“It dates back to the era of American Victorian architecture; the house was built around 1890. Look at all the intricate, fancy details throughout. But it’s completely renovated, with all the modern amenities you can imagine. But what is really charming about the way they renovated the house, is that they kept the original look of many rooms,” the estate agent explained and pointed to a door at the far end of the hallway. “Let me show you. There’s a bathroom, which looks exactly like the first owner of the house would have furnished it, but with all the modern amenities. Please allow me to show you,” she said, beckoning the two to follow her.
All three entered the bathroom and immediately stopped in their tracks.
“You said that the house is empty!” Mrs. Williams exclaimed and stared at the bathtub filled with steaming water.
“It is,” the estate agent insisted, looking worried. “I am the only one who has keys to the house!”
“Then what’s this?” Mr. Williams asked and pointed to wet footprints leading from the bathtub to the curtains at the window.
Strong Moody Atmospheric Opening Award. Hiding wet and naked without Clothes Award. Mysterious Steaming Bathtub Award. Curious Tension Buildup Award. Suspicious Footprint Analysis Award. Shocking Hair Grabbing Award. Excellent Slow Reveal Award. The Clever Repeating Loop Award. Great Closing Curtain Award.
I loved this short story. Interesting set-up and the mysterious ending let my mind imagining all sorts of things that might have happened next. Very well done.
Hooked6
Excellent writing. You’re showing how much you can do within a short story, without making it feel rushed.
I was wondering what turned the bath water red. Was it just from Clarice’s hand, or was it because of Charlotte? However, it’s not needed to explain, as part of the story’s strong point is that it makes the reader think about what happened in the past, and how Charlotte died.
Forgetting to bring a towel to the bathroom award. Efficient writing award. POV switch done well award. Engaging writing award. Intriguing mystery award.
Gothic Horror with a Twist AwardI totally enjoyed this. I kept getting snippets of potential backstory and further experiences current residents could have.
Arthwys,
I came to the site today planning to read a new story or two. Instead, I ended up rereading yours — because it is so enjoyable (and mysterious) — also because it definitely merits a number of awards.
Intriguing Back Story Award! This story leaves me hungry for more. There are a few hints that the past might not be all sunshine and roses, but that’s okay — that’s life (or death?).
Extraordinary Potential Award! This story could really go somewhere, somewhere interesting and fun. And it has obviously already been there. I’m so curious to know more about the past, as well as the future.
A Writer Who Can Take Us Places Award! From an Elven Courtroom to a Nineteenth Century Bathroom — these are exciting places to visit. From Elynea to Charlotte — these are women who quickly captivate the reader’s attention.
Sub-genre that this Near and Dear to My Heart Award! As you might imagine, this one really speaks to me. You dealt deftly with some issues I’ve struggled with. I love the wet footprints. I also love the silent scream. Very nice touches!
Three POVs in a Short Story Award! You do this so well — I was never confused as the POV character shifted from Charlotte to Clarice to the unnamed Real Estate Agent. And it is not at all head-hopping like a some stories suffer from. It is masterfully done for a clear and definite purpose.
After my first read, I was meaning to comment on how the three first names in this story all start with the letter ‘C.’ Generally, I would advise against that. In a non-ENF novel that I wrote, I had an Anthony and an Andreas. Beta readers commented that it was easy to confuse the two — simply because of their names. As this story is so short, that’s not really an issue here. Even so, I’d suggest making it real easy for readers to keep names straight by choosing names that start with different letters and possibly vary in length.
So glad to have the opportunity to read a second story of yours!
Best Regards,
Blair
Sorry it took me a while to respond to your comment, because actually I was quite speechless. I never expected such a positive (and long) comment about this little story.
I tried to make it mysterious by giving some hints about what might have happened to Charlotte. But I didn’t want to solve the mystery, I wanted to leave this to the reader (although I had made up a background story). According to your comment it seems to have worked. I am really happy about the reactions of the readers.
Regarding the names of my characters: I didn’t notice at all when writing that their names all start with the letter C. I just googled for popular female names in the nineteenth century and chose the one I liked. Same with the other names. This seems to be a weak point, I had problems naming my Christmas elf as well. For my next story I have to pay more attention to this. For this story I better leave it as it is because some comments refer to the names already; this would make it confusing.
And thanks for all the awards! One more precious to me than the other!
That’s all very motivating, I guess I will continue writing.
I’ve found that I very much enjoy naming characters. I really work at finding fun and creative names (and nicknames). Catherine (Cathers) and Jessa (without the ‘ick’) are just two examples. And even though they start with the same letter, I really like the names you chose, Charlotte and Clarice especially. Elynea is especially nice — looks and sounds entirely elfen! My hint when it comes to characters is to, whenever you come across a name you like, to record it in a file for that purpose on your computer. Eventually, that list will become very useful.
Place names is what I really struggle with. It is so hard to come up with the name for a city or town that sounds plausible but doesn’t bring a certain city to mind. In other words, you can’t use Boise, Sacramento, Orlando, Buffalo, etc. for a fictional town. Lately, I’ve been mixing up the words in existing towns to invent place names. That’s what Stonefield, for example, is. I’ve also looked at the names of small towns in one state, and then moved them into another state.
You should absolutely continue writing!
Hi Arthwys,
I can’t clearly decide what is the closest between “Amithyville” and an Edgar Allan Poe’s like atmosphere to describe your story, but you surely hit me from the beginning to the end.
I really like your style.
I’m totally in “Gothic Horror Award”!
Helen.