I appreciate the words of caution, and am thankful you took the time to comment. Few readers take the time to do that, and it helps writers to become better.

I have been enjoying your take on this little gem that Cave is polishing for us. Much of what you say rings so true to my ear:

You reveal through hesitation, silences, and half-articulated thoughts and your approach preserves not only mystery but suspense.

Well said! (and that’s just one small example chosen somewhat at random) 
 
While some of your opinions differ from my own (namely, that Cave’s focus should remain on her core trio) the majority do not. You are offering up a lot of solid advice. It’s clear that we both agree that she is doing an outstanding job, especially given that this is her…

…first attempt at writing a story more than a few pages long.

Another point where we agree:

You have a good grip on characterization, dialogue, and the right amount of description.  It just needs to be harnessed to a plot that tells your story. 

I like that you use the term “your story” in that sentence. And I like that Cave’s reply indicates that she intends to do just that:

I … will not deviate from the main path I’ve set up.

I’ve enjoyed reading your thoughts today and look forward to any future comments you post on this or any other thread!
 
A fellow Melanie fan,

Blair

Thank you for your comment, Justanotherwriter. I appreciate the thoughts and suggestions.

However, please understand that this is my first attempt at writing a story more than a few pages long. For me, this is just a hobby.

You warn me of being in danger of losing the thread, but I choose to trust in my sense of the characters involved. Please note that this story is not narrowly defined around three characters. It is defined around the main character, and other characters will continue to cross her path to varying effect.

Perhaps this is not the way a professional writer sets up a story, but this is how I enjoy writing it, and for me that is more important.

I will carefully consider what you have said, but will not deviate from the main path I’ve set up.

It is unfortunate that you feel certain parts are grating, but hopefully you will enjoy the story as it progresses.

Blair, thank you for your comment.

Your dialogue is so good! “Passable,” for example

That’s better than Your dialogue is passable. “So good!,” for example. 🙂

But these little touches in class inject real tension into the scene.

I’m glad that the scene managed to convey this. Just as Melanie thought it was childish, the writing might have appeared childish.

And I find myself learning too … discovering subtle hints about what makes a story captivating.

I like that we can learn from each other through our writing and comments, knowing how much I learned from reading your two stories on IO’s board. However, I’m not very good at accepting compliments…. so…

I’m very much looking forward to your next work of art.

Just toss in a…

haha
(unlikely)

Do you like the back and forth, or do you like the ‘rule’?(you can like both)

I’ll chose both. The banter about why she was naked and also the rule for her to be naked. The side bonus is that it’s Melanie herself that chose to automatically comply. This is such a fun healthy relationship.

Just toss in a collar and leash and it would be perfect. (just kidding!)

Yes, it does seem like Reese is not that serious about relationships. A bit at odds with what she said in the common room, right?

I hate to say it, because Reese is an interesting character. But Melanie should be wary of such an individual, even if she seems fun sometimes. Feeling some red flags. She might say or do anything, this one.

Thank you for you comment. Yes, they both seem like shy individuals, occasionally showing some courage.