Monday morning, Melanie dressed in jeans and a long-sleeved blouse. She and Josy walked to college together, and she noticed Josy looked a bit more tired than a usual Monday morning. Perhaps Josy had some trouble sleeping.
“Do you think these jeans fit me well?” Melanie asked as they stood at a red light to cross the street. She hoped to brighten Josy’s mood.
Josy stepped away to take a good look. “Passable,” Josy said.
“Gee, thanks.”
“You asked, you get an honest answer,” Josy grinned.
Melanie saw the light change. “Then do you have a suggestion for tomorrow?” she asked playfully as they crossed, turning her head to see how Josy would react.
“Just panties,” Josy said, smiling.
“Har har, it’s too cold for that.”
Josy laughed. “We’ll save that for summer then.”
Melanie laughed as well, while imagining walking around college in just panties. She almost asked Josy what sort of panties she had in mind.
When she got to class, Brian, Sarah, and Cohen were already waiting outside.
“Hi guys,” Melanie said, nudging Sarah.
“Hey Melanie. Did you have a nice weekend?” Sarah asked.
“Yes, it was good. I visited my parents Saturday. And you?”
Sarah talked about seeing her boyfriend on the weekend. It was interesting to learn more about him.
Brian looked at Melanie. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to go running today.”
Melanie smiled. “Oh, right. Let’s go tomorrow?”
“Okay,” he said, looking away.
Was his mind still on what they’d done Saturday, Melanie wondered? They went into the classroom, Brian and Melanie sitting next to each other, as usual.
Partway through class, Melanie felt Brian poking her right arm with his finger. She looked at him and raised her eyebrows as if to say, ‘what is it’.
With clear purpose he moved his right arm closer to her, and then touched her upper arm through her blouse with his index finger. She looked down at his finger, but otherwise didn’t react to it. Then he ran his finger gently down the side of her arm. It tickled a little. Past the elbow joint, over her wrist, he continued over her hand. She didn’t hear what the teacher was saying anymore. Her attention was fully captured by that finger as it traced its way over her hand, going down her pinky finger.
Melanie was sensitive to light touches. Brian doing that in class was highly distracting, but not unpleasant. Why did he do that, she wondered? She typed a sentence in her notes, ‘what are you 12?’ and turned her laptop to face him.
He read it and grinned.
It seemed childish to touch her like that during class. Did he know how much those touches affected her? How could he know? Looking back at the teacher, it was obvious she had missed some of the subject matter due to his little trick. However, she wasn’t mad at him, simply confused.
Well, two can play at that game, she thought. After waiting a few minutes, she leaned forward a little, resting on her left elbow. Brian had both his arms on the desk, and she reached out with her right hand, touching the outside of his leg. To her amusement, she felt him jump at the touch, and ran her nails over his jeans. However, her joy was short lived as he seemed otherwise unfazed and looked to be still paying attention to the lesson.
After running her nails up and down his leg and getting no reaction, she knew she had to up the ante. She placed her hand on top of his leg, fingers pointed inward, and started rubbing his leg. Still not getting any reaction from him, she moved her hand up and down his leg a few more times, but then gave up. Frustrated by his lack of reaction, she retracted her hand, and sat back up.
She glared at him, but he didn’t react to that either.
Not long after, class was over, and they went to their next class. She avoided looking at him and they didn’t speak, but they still sat next to each other.
Partway through this class, Brian tried the same thing as before, tracing his finger along her arm, but this time she was better at pretending to ignore it. She was enjoying his light touches but was able to stay focused on the lesson.
At lunch, Sarah and Cohen asked Melanie how she is feeling.
“I’m fine, why?” Melanie asked, wondering if they saw what Brian had done during class.
“You said you weren’t feeling well Friday at the party.” Sarah said.
Cohen laughed. “Actually, Brian said that.”
“Oh yeah, I’m feeling better,” Melanie said, hoping they wouldn’t dig too much into what happened Friday.
Brian sat up. “It was too warm there, and she was a bit dehydrated. Josy took her home.”
Melanie was thankful that, just like Friday, Brian was quick on his feet when it came to dig up an excuse.
“Ah,” Sarah said, looking skeptical, shifting her eyes between Brian and Melanie. “Are you going to tell us what was up last week? You avoid each other like the plague, and after we had you sit down to talk it out, you’re all over each other at the party.”
“We weren’t all over each other. We barely talked,” Melanie said. It was true, for most of the party, she hadn’t interacted with Brian much. Only later, they had gone to have their talk in the bathroom.
“Oh really,” Sarah smiled. “This girl talked about someone fitting your dress and description slow-dancing with a guy matching Brian’s description in the bathroom.”
Melanie noticed that Brian had retreated into his shell. Why is HE embarrassed about that? He wasn’t the one who got sandwiched in that bathroom. She also worried that someone saw Josy enter, or saw the three of them there, or what happened between them.
“We had one dance, that’s true. So what?” Melanie felt she had to defend herself.
“Nothing wrong with that,” Sarah said, still smiling as if she knew more than she let on. “We just wanted to know what was going on. Inquisitive minds want to know.”
“Yes, we had an argument last weekend, and we should have handled it better,” Melanie said, then winked at Sarah. “I blame Brian.”
“What? Me?”
Sarah laughed, while Brian glared at Melanie, making her laugh as well.
Cohen patted Brian on the shoulder in a friendly manner only guys can pull off.
Melanie was glad the situation had been defused, and they hadn’t asked about Josy at all. Perhaps no one had seen the three of them together. At the time, Melanie had been too distracted to think about it.
In the afternoon, Melanie asked Sarah if she could look over her notes just in case she had missed anything important that morning.
~~~
At the end of the day, Josy and Melanie walked home together. Melanie asked Josy how she was doing.
Josy yawned. “I wasn’t able to sleep last night.”
This worried Melanie. “You could have messaged me.”
Josy hesitated. “Is it too much… Can I…”
“Of course, Josy, but I think it’s better if I come to your place. My bed is too small,” Melanie said, wishing she had a bigger bed.
“It kind of is… Thank you Mel.”
“Oh, I do need to get up early tomorrow… morning run.”
“That’s okay.”
~~~
That evening shortly after 11, Melanie put on her running outfit and went to Josy’s, figuring it made more sense to head out straight from Josy’s in the morning.
Josy opened the door for her. She was already in her sleepwear and quickly went back to her room as Melanie followed.
Josy was already back under the covers while Melanie was taking off her runner’s outfit, but soon Melanie slipped under the covers as well.
“Your feet are cold!” Josy exclaimed.
“And yours are nice and warm. Don’t mind me,” Melanie said as she moved over to the warm side of the bed, pressing herself against Josy’s back, spooning her.
Josy yelped. “This wasn’t part of the deal, Mel!”
“It’s your fault for making me sleep nude,” Melanie said, wondering if Josy could feel her nipples poking into her back.
“I didn’t make you.”
“It’s your rule, remember?”
“Oh right,” Josy giggled.
Melanie was quickly warming up, gently sliding her restless legs against Josy’s, skin against skin. “Do you want to hear something funny?”
“Sure.”
Melanie explained how she had gone to the common room Sunday after Josy left, just as Josy had suggested. She told her how Reese had found her there. After some hesitation, she told Josy exactly what had happened.
“You just lifted your legs up, showing her your pussy like that?”
“Uh huh,” Melanie said, moving her hips a little at the memory. She hoped Josy wouldn’t notice, despite their close contact.
“Wow.”
Melanie was starting to feel warm and relaxed. “You don’t understand, she has this air about her. She’s so… calm and soothing. And she didn’t say anything about it to the others.”
“I don’t think I’ve met her. What does she look like?”
“Ash blonde hair, a little smaller than me.”
“No, I don’t remember her. And she said she has a girlfriend?”
“Yes. Anyway, that’s not all,” Melanie began, telling Josy about what had happened after dinner.
“Wish I’d been there,” Josy said. “You know I’ve asked you about your grooming before.”
“Yes,” Melanie said. She wondered what Josy thought of Reese. She also wondered if Josy would ask about her grooming again. Perhaps Josy felt left out. She waited for her friend to say something, but after a moment of silence, she said, “If you want, I could show you next time.”
“Okay,” Josy said, sounding happy, but then she yawned. “I’m so tired, Mel. Thank you for being here.”
“Of course,” Melanie said, hugging her friend from behind.
It wasn’t long before Melanie heard Josy’s breathing become even. She stayed close but removed her arm from around her. Soon after, she fell asleep as well.
~~~
Melanie woke up, laying on her back. Josy was on her front, with an arm across Melanie’s stomach and a leg draped over hers. Melanie smiled. Josy must have sought out her warmth during the night. It felt cozy to be held like that, feeling Josy’s rhythmic breathing on her bare shoulder. She checked the time on her phone and saw that the alarm would go off soon. She turned off the alarm and spent a few more minutes enjoying the closeness of her friend, the warm snugness.
It was a shame she had to get out of bed, but after extricating herself from Josy’s clutches, she dressed quickly. Remembering Brian’s teasing in class, she decided not to wear her panties under her tights, putting them in her jacket pocket instead. After all, she might be able to tease him back during their run.
Josy woke up, stretching. “Morning run?” she asked, sleepily.
“Yes, go back to sleep, you have another hour,” Melanie said, going back to plant a kiss on her forehead.
“Hmmm ‘kay,” Josy responded, as she hugged the covers.
After putting on her running shoes, Melanie left the room, had a quick pee, and exited Josy’s apartment.
She waited for Brian in front of the apartment building, wondering how she was going to talk to him about Josy’s situation. She felt that being there for Josy was purely platonic, but she knew how sleeping together might appear. How was she going to explain to him that they needed to slow down a little while she figured things out?
Without discussing their route, Brian led them to the same park as Saturday. Melanie suspected he might be up to something, and it amused her. After running a few circles around the park, he changed direction. When they reached their well-known corner of the park, Brian took the little path through the bushes.
“Think again,” Melanie called after him, stopping just outside.
After a moment, Brian was back at the entrance. “What? I wasn’t suggesting anything,” he said, grinning.
“Nope.”
“Oh, come on.”
In response, Melanie turned her back to him, and feeling impish, she pushed her tights down over her butt. She bent over, briefly mooning him before pulling them back up and running off laughing.
Before turning another corner, she slowed down, looking back. He was following, but she had some distance on him, so she waited for him to catch up.
“Dare you to do that again,” he said as he slowed and stopped in front of her.
“Nope,” she said, starting up again. She was amused but resisted his dare.
They completed another circle around the park and did some stretches near the entrance of the park, and then ran back to Melanie’s apartment building.
“That was a good run,” Brian said.
“Yes, but I think your mind was elsewhere,” Melanie said, looking around. There was no one else in sight and she wanted to tease him again. The anticipation of it excited her.
“That’s not my fault.”
“Sure it is. It’s your fault you get easily distracted,” Melanie said, as she turned away from him and pushed her tights down to below her cheeks. Looking over her shoulder, she saw him staring at her exposed butt.
“Oh man!” his mouth dropped open.
She wiggled her buns in response.
“You’re right. I can’t help it when presented with such a sight,” he said, grinning.
She saw him briefly shift his eyes up, making eye contact, before looking down again, sending a flutter of excitement through her as she looked around the street nervously.
“I’ll see you in class,” Melanie said, moving towards the door as she pulled her tights up again. Just in time, since she saw a group of three coming out of one of the elevators. She waved at Brian and quickly went inside to catch that elevator.
Inside, Melanie found a packaged bundle in front of her door, with a note from Reese. She took it into her room, unfolding the note.
Hi Mel,
You weren’t home, so I left this here. It’s a little gift to wear around the house. Wear it during dinner tomorrow. Just so you don’t feel out of place, I’ll have something similar.
XOXO Reese
Melanie quickly opened the package. It contained nightwear. A rose chemise, and a turquoise chemise, both size S, but also a pair of black lace panties. Why panties, Melanie wondered? She took them out of the package and held them up.
They were crotchless panties. She blushed. Was Reese suggesting that she wear these under a chemise at dinner?
The two chemises were new. Reese had probably ordered them online, or just bought them yesterday. She held them up. Yes, they would fit. Still in her runner’s outfit, she went to the bathroom to rinse them separately with a little bit of detergent, so the colors wouldn’t mix. Then she also did the same with the skimpy panties.
She carefully wrung out much of the water and hung everything up to dry beside the shower, including the embarrassing panties. Why did Reese have to give her these items?
After she was done, she had cooled down enough to take a shower. As she was soaping up, she remembered what she had said to Josy, and looked down at her pussy as she ran her soapy fingers over the smooth skin. Had she really suggested that Josy could watch her grooming ritual? She blushed at the thought, but also felt a flutter of excitement. At that very moment, the door opened, and someone stepped in.
“Oh, sorry.”
Melanie recognized the voice as Elle’s, one of the brunettes. They hadn’t spoken much outside of dinner conversation. The shower curtain was opaque, so she couldn’t see the girl.
“The door was unlocked. Can I just quickly brush my teeth?” Elle asked.
“Uh, sure,” Melanie said, as she continued washing herself.
Shortly after Elle left, Melanie was done with her shower. She stepped out and quickly locked the door, before drying off. The undergarments and panties she’d rinsed out! Had Elle seen them? The panties had been in clear sight, hanging there beside the shower. Yes, there was no way Elle could have missed that. Sighing, she wrapped the towel around herself, put her runner’s outfit in the laundry basket and grabbed the nightwear and panties to hang in her room. It felt a bit unusual to walk back in her towel, as she had gotten used to doing that nude.
Getting ready to leave, she decided to wear a knee-length skirt with a pair of her thigh-highs to classes today. As they walked to college, she asked Josy how she had slept.
“Much better, thank you, Mel.”
Melanie just smiled at her. Were it not that their friendship had grown so close lately, it might have felt strange to sleep together. She was glad it helped.
“You forgot to tell me what to wear today,” Melanie said, grinning at her friend.
“Oh! No panties today!” Josy said.
Melanie laughed and said, “done,” making Josy laugh as well.
“You won’t believe what I found at my door this morning,” Melanie said, explaining Reese’s package.
“Huh,” Josy said. “Does she really have a girlfriend? Because that raises so many questions.”
During class, Melanie and Brian again found excuses to tease the other with light touches on arms or legs. It was amusing, and although it still felt childish, Melanie gave as much as she got. Other than that, not much happened during the day.
~~~
At dinner, Reese was wearing an aqua chemise with pantyhose. Melanie had forgotten Reese’s request to wear one of the new chemises, but they might not yet be dry anyway. She caught Reese’s eyes at some point and tried to communicate an apology. Surprisingly, none of the others batted an eye at Reese’s choice of dinner attire. Perhaps Reese had worn similar outfits at dinner before, but to Melanie it looked a little out of place.
After dinner, Melanie called her parents.
“Uh, I was wondering,” Melanie began after they exchanged the usual pleasantries. She hesitated, unsure how to ask this without it being embarrassing.
“What is it, honey?” her mom asked.
“About my bed.”
“What about your bed?” her mom asked, and Melanie detected some amusement in her voice.
“You said I could have a queen-sized bed,” Melanie said.
“Yes, we did, but you said it wasn’t needed.”
“I know, but could I maybe get one?”
“My little baby is growing up. Are you being careful?” her mom asked. There was definitely amusement her tone.
“Mom, stop it. Please,” Melanie said, blushing so much that she was glad it wasn’t a video call.
Laughter on the other side of the line. “I’ll ask your dad to arrange something, but this would have been so much easier had you just accepted our offer before the move.”
“Thank you, mom,” Melanie sighed.
“Bye, honey, we’ll talk again soon,” her mom said, ending the call.
Melanie fell down on her bed, exhausted. Why did it have to be that difficult?
In the corner of her eye, Melanie saw the undergarments she had hung to dry that morning. She pulled herself off her bed and checked them. They were dry. Remembering Reese’s note, she left her room and knocked on Reese’s door.
“Come in.”
Melanie opened the door and said, “Hi.”
Reese was still wearing the aqua chemise with pantyhose, sitting on her chair. She beckoned Melanie to enter the room, and Melanie closed the door behind her.
“Sorry about dinner,” Melanie said, standing in the middle of the room. “I washed the items this morning and kind of forgot your request.”
“Oh, no, it wasn’t like you had to. I just meant I’d wear this and you could feel comfortable doing the same,” Reese responded. She indicated the bed with her hand, turning her chair to face Melanie. It didn’t seem like Reese was upset at all.
“Oh, okay. So, you wear this sometimes in the common room?” Melanie asked, sitting on the bed.
“Yes, it feels wonderful to be dressed like this. You don’t wear this for others, you wear it for yourself,” Reese said.
“I’m not sure if that’s true.”
“Well, maybe others can enjoy the eye-candy, but me, I wear it because I want to.”
Melanie wondered if she could ask Reese about the crotchless panties.
“Will you try tomorrow?” Reese asked.
“I’ll think about it.”
“Ah,” Reese looked disappointed. “That’s a no then.”
Melanie frowned at Reese. She didn’t like that sort of passive aggressiveness.
“Sorry, I was just a little sad you didn’t wear it today, but it is fine. Just wear it when you feel comfortable, Mel,” Reese said. She stood up and walked over to the bed, letting herself fall backward onto the bed across the middle, next to where Melanie was sitting.
Her fall had flipped up Reese’s chemise, exposing her pantyhose clad pussy. Melanie noticed that Reese wasn’t wearing panties underneath and could see her pussy through the thin material. Reese had a little landing strip but was otherwise bare, and though barely visible, Melanie could see Reese’s clitoral hood peeking out from between her lips.
Melanie looked away, embarrassed to see Reese’s sex like that.
Reese propped herself up on her elbows. “Ah oh, yes, this is not my natural hair color, you found me out,” Reese said calmly. Indeed, Reese’s ash blonde hair did not match her darker landing strip. “Such clothing mishaps happen, Mel. You’re not the first roommate to see. However, you are the first one who is embarrassed.”
“I… thank you for the clothes. I should go.”
“Here I go again, embarrassing you. Sorry. And I keep apologizing for it too. I don’t mean to, it’s who I am. You know that, right?” Reese asked, lowering herself back down on the bed to look at the ceiling.
Melanie had to admit, she knew by now this is how Reese was, and it had a special charm. The corner of her mouth turned up and she looked back at Reese, who was still lying on the bed just as exposed as before. Reese had worn that to dinner, without the panties. Were they the same? No, definitely not. There was no embarrassment to be found in Reese.
“Yes, I know,” Melanie said. “I mean it, thank you, but I still need to go.”
She saw Reese turn towards her and they both smiled in understanding before Reese turned her head to look up at the ceiling. It was okay between them.
“It’s probably best, as Alli will be here soon. If you come knock on my door in about an hour and just open the door without waiting for a response, it could be fun. Especially if you wear your chemise.”
“I… what?” Melanie was stunned at the suggestion.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to. Just a naughty suggestion. Good night, Mel.”
Melanie said good night and left to go back to her room, blushing all the way as she thought over Reese’s words.
I like friday, because each friday I discover a little more Melanie
I second that thought. Well said Pirlouit. I love the regularity of these chapters. Every week we discover new things. That takes a lot of personal discipline for a writer. I hope Cave can keep it up for a long time, even if it means gradually smaller chapters. Also I wonder how many silent readers there are. Happy Friday everyone!
I hate seeing Josy struggling recently. Looking forward to see a full recovery. I’m glad that Melanie is helping her and hopefully speeding up the process. Melanie is an awesome friend. Going well beyond what a normal friend would do. Although I’m not sure if telling her about Reece was a good idea, considering where Josy’s head is at these days, that said – I like that Mel is honest. I like the back and forth below.
I like when Josy and Mel are together.
Brian still seems fairly awkward. He is lucky that Melanie gives him the benefit of the doubt and is helping him come out of his shell.
This is serious thought. However, it didn’t seem like they were slowing down so much in the run. They were having fun as usual. I think Melanie likes to live in the moment.
I don’t know if this is a passing thing, or something that could become a problem in the future. Sarah seems to know something.
Reese continues to surprise us. She is quiet, bold, and daring, but she also doesn’t seem that serious about relationships. I hope her girlfriend is okay with that. Her last suggestion was quite wild!
I’m happy that Melanie will be getting a larger bed. But how embarrassing to have to ask your parents!
Same here.
Do you like the back and forth, or do you like the ‘rule’?
(you can like both)
Yes, it does seem like Reese is not that serious about relationships. A bit at odds with what she said in the common room, right?
Yes, it would’ve been nice if someone else could’ve helped her with that…
Thank you for the comments, ReaderMan, always enjoy reading your thoughts and speculations.
I’ll chose both. The banter about why she was naked and also the rule for her to be naked. The side bonus is that it’s Melanie herself that chose to automatically comply. This is such a fun healthy relationship.
Just toss in a collar and leash and it would be perfect. (just kidding!)
I hate to say it, because Reese is an interesting character. But Melanie should be wary of such an individual, even if she seems fun sometimes. Feeling some red flags. She might say or do anything, this one.
haha
(unlikely)
I like how Melanie’s two relationships develop.
After the very intense start with Brian they are almost shy the next day. As if they are afraid of their own courage. But at least Melanie shows some daring behaviour in the end.
I am very curious how Melanie’s relationship with Josy continues. Mel is sleeping naked in Josy’s bed. Will this lead to something more? Although somehow I doubt that. But who knows?
And the biggest unknown is Reese. I still have no idea what she is up to.
Thank you for you comment. Yes, they both seem like shy individuals, occasionally showing some courage.
Cave,
Your dialogue is so good! “Passable,” for example. So much about Josy and her mood comes across in a single word intended to describe Mel’s jeans. (three birds with one stone)
Maybe this is my favorite Melanie chapter to date. I love how much mileage you get out of these light touches. Part of what makes it fun is that it confuses Melanie. Why is Brian doing that? Now if he grabbed her and kissed her, there would be no question why he was doing it. But these little touches in class inject real tension into the scene. Funny how one writer can put more passion into a touch than some writers manage to get into their sex scenes.
For me, Reese is probably the highlight of the week. Her scenes, so good. And largely for the same reason that I liked Brian’s light touches. Melanie receives some clothes. It injects some confusion into our lead character’s life. Why these items? Why is she sending them to me?
So many writers are focused on what is happening. He did A to her. She did B to him. Together they did C to whomever. Such writers could learn so much from you. And I find myself learning too … discovering subtle hints about what makes a story captivating.
For example, I am impressed with Reese’s maturity. She’s not another Josy or another Brian. She’s definitely different. She offers clothes and encourages Mel to consider wearing them, but she is not hurt when it doesn’t happen. She suggests that Mel might drop by in about an hour, saying, “…it could be fun. Especially if you wear your chemise.”
Now, I think this is an awesome little cliffhanger to end on. I also know that I want Mel to go – because I want to learn more about Reese and I want to meet Alli. I also know that if Mel doesn’t go, and we all know she might not, that Reese will react maturely. Her feelings won’t be hurt.
And, on a final note, the conversations about getting a larger bed: Good job, Mel!
Blair
Blair, thank you for your comment.
That’s better than Your dialogue is passable. “So good!,” for example. 🙂
I’m glad that the scene managed to convey this. Just as Melanie thought it was childish, the writing might have appeared childish.
I like that we can learn from each other through our writing and comments, knowing how much I learned from reading your two stories on IO’s board. However, I’m not very good at accepting compliments…. so…
I’m very much looking forward to your next work of art.
Dear Cave,
This is one of the most remarkable erotic stories I have ever seen. You have a wonderfully light, understated touch that reminds me of the best of Ernst Hemmingway’s short stories. You reveal through hesitation, silences, and half-articulated thoughts and your approach preserves not only mystery but suspense. Your two core female characters are well-realized; the boyfriend is a little bit of a puzzle but I appreciate that we are dealing the the limited 0miniscioent POV of a slightly unreliable narrator, so that’s OK.I want to start by showing how good the story started out because I want to warn you that you are in danger of losing the thread. I am a professional writer and the question I always ask myself, is what is my story? Your story is Melanie’s self discovery aided by Josy and to a smaller extent by her boyfriend. This is a three corner game. You are in danger of making the mistake that many writers of long form serial fiction make, of advancing the story by inserting new characters. This is just a distraction–and the scenes in recent chapters with the gay roommate do nor ring true. Melanie is not going to be more adventurous with someone she hardly knows. And since there are obvious feelings for Josy, it doesn’t make Melanie look good.
This this was dynamite for the first seven or eight chapters and then settled down to a slow steady pace, which is fine, but when the gay roommate came in, it started jumping the shark. Please get back to telling the story that started off so well. And I won’t mind if you pick up the pace, but that is a personal comment. Ask yourself, are you telling the story of a sexual coming of age, or the story of a four year college romance? Answering that question will give you your pace. And it is not necessary for everyone to be constantly apologizing. A little is fine and even expected. If you did an analysis you might find that it comes up as often as the names of the characters. (I am exaggerating but the number of repetitions is grating. Say it in another way if you have to. This is a great piece of work. You have a good grip on characterization, dialogue, and the right amount of description. It just needs to be harnessed to a plot that tells your story. Good luck!
Thank you for your comment, Justanotherwriter. I appreciate the thoughts and suggestions.
However, please understand that this is my first attempt at writing a story more than a few pages long. For me, this is just a hobby.
You warn me of being in danger of losing the thread, but I choose to trust in my sense of the characters involved. Please note that this story is not narrowly defined around three characters. It is defined around the main character, and other characters will continue to cross her path to varying effect.
Perhaps this is not the way a professional writer sets up a story, but this is how I enjoy writing it, and for me that is more important.
I will carefully consider what you have said, but will not deviate from the main path I’ve set up.
It is unfortunate that you feel certain parts are grating, but hopefully you will enjoy the story as it progresses.
Cave, Thanks for taking the time to read my comments; I am shocked to hear that this is your first effort into a long form. You have a great deal of natural talent as well as a good sense of your characters. Your story is your own and no one has the right to tell you how to do it. I only felt compelled to comment because I have seen so many promising starts peter out. I don’t know how old you are but I am probably old enough to be your father if not your grandfather; if you can integrate all the new people into the story, then God love you, but just keep the structural dangers in mind. When a writer thinks of all the narrative possibilities, it is hard sometimes to identify the moment when the story should start and when it should end; as well as to keep it focused in between. You began your story exactly at its beginning.
I appreciate the words of caution, and am thankful you took the time to comment. Few readers take the time to do that, and it helps writers to become better.
Justanotherwriter,
I have been enjoying your take on this little gem that Cave is polishing for us. Much of what you say rings so true to my ear:
Well said! (and that’s just one small example chosen somewhat at random)
While some of your opinions differ from my own (namely, that Cave’s focus should remain on her core trio) the majority do not. You are offering up a lot of solid advice. It’s clear that we both agree that she is doing an outstanding job, especially given that this is her…
Another point where we agree:
I like that you use the term “your story” in that sentence. And I like that Cave’s reply indicates that she intends to do just that:
I’ve enjoyed reading your thoughts today and look forward to any future comments you post on this or any other thread!
A fellow Melanie fan,
Blair