Good morning lovely readers! Your favorite Mailgirl has been quite busy lately and while she does enjoy letting you have a peek inside her world, the job has to come first. While I’m physically drained the fingers are flying this morning and your Mailgirl Six is back to answer one from the inbox.
Today’s question comes from Desperate, who needs some advice:
“Six. I’m in trouble and I really need your help. I’ve worked at my firm for five years but the truth is I don’t have a law degree, I lied on my resume. I’m smart, I know what I’m doing, I just didn’t have the money to pay for school. My boss found out this week and I’ve been given two choices. I can be fired and possibly charged with fraud or I can agree to be the firm’s first and only Mailgirl. They want me to sign a contract on minimum pay so they can pay for weekend classes until I can get my degree. My contract will last until I can graduate. Your story feels very similar to my situation. I don’t know if I can face going from working on these cases with my colleagues to just carrying documents around the office as a dumb, naked delivery girl. I feel like this is a trap and will ruin my career no matter what I choose. What should I do?”
Oh Desperate, you are caught in a web. My heart goes out to you. They put so much pressure on women in business to get ahead. We work longer hours for less pay and what happens? The second you start to get some momentum in your career it’s cut down.
Damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
But you did lie on the resume. They’ve got you there. It’s okay to feel angry or humiliated. You knew it was risky when you did it and now they got you…
…or do they? The past is the past and dwelling on it will not solve anything, but it seems you’ve been given a couple paths to the future.
I’ve got good news for you; They are not going to charge you with anything.
First clear your head. I don’t know what kind of law you were practicing but unless you were representing yourself as an attorney in court there is only so much “fraud” they can slap you with. If you did it in a court it’s criminal, but them holding the charge over you unless you agree to mailgirl is blackmail. They won’t do that, at least not in writing. And if all you were doing was reviewing contracts or preparing case documents, if they report you to the Bar Association it comes back on them (and their malpractice insurance). Any case you worked on as an attorney could get overturned. The firm would end up paying for or retrying those cases. Bad news for the firm.
So the likelihood of going to jail is pretty remote. They had a duty to check your references and they failed, giving you client information. It was wrong but that comes back on them. Lucky you.
But they do have every right to terminate your employment. So you will lose your job. Lawyers love to talk so that would pretty much spoil the legal sector for you. If you leave your firm you would have to start over in a different industry. Not the end of the world but it would probably knock you down a few pay grades.
So I guess the real question is “Do you want to be a lawyer?”.
If money is the issue and they are willing to put you through law school, how bad do you want it? Are you willing to work naked for as long as you are in law school? Assume they also mean passing the Bar exam (as that should be your long term goal anyway). And if money is the issue, and you want to be a lawyer, they have given you the way to get it done. There is a catch, and it is a big catch.
So do you want to be a lawyer? Can you be a Mailgirl? Will that break you?
I don’t know all that much about passing law school but I can tell you how to pass as a Mailgirl:
Go to the pharmacy, get castile soap; Dr. Bronner’s is very popular in the trade, it comes in a shampoo bottle and has scents like peppermint and lavender. You want castile soap because its vegetable oil based instead of animal fat or chemical base. Mailgirls shower a lot. A LOT. So you don’t want soap that removes the beneficial oils from your skin and dries it out. You might want to get some moisturizer too depending on how ashy your skin can be. And while you’re there get a good razor.
Go home and take a shower. Use the new stuff. Shave everything, no hair below the eyebrows. Take it all off because if you agree to mailgirl you have to do it anyway and if your don’t it will grow back.
Once you are 100% clean, towel off and find a mirror. Full length is best if you have one. Look at your body. Really look at it. Not just the flaws, look at your curves, your profile, what the muscles do under your skin as you move. Suck in the gut. Let it out. Try to stand up as straight as you can, hands at your side, hands behind your back, behind your head. Get up on your tippy-toes and stretch. Arch your back. jog in place. Squat down. Stand up. Kneel. Stand up. Take a deep breath.
See anything you like? See anything you hate?
Now do it all again. This time watch your chest as you do it. Is one tit bigger than the other? Watch how they sway when you move. Is this attention making your nipples hard?
When you’re done, do it again. This time look at your pussy. Look at your lips and see how they move with you. Are they puffy? Tight? Are you getting sweaty? Wet? Dry? It’s okay either way. Just admit it to yourself if this is getting you to feel funny. You’ll need that clarity.
Now turn around and do it again. This time watch your butt (use a second mirror if needed). Does it jiggle? Can you see the muscle working? Is it sexy? Flabby? Tight? Give yourself an honest appraisal.
Turn around. Now do it all again. This time watch your face. What is your face showing as you do this? Does it match what your body is doing?
When you are finished, look at yourself again. Is your hair disheveled? Are you sweating profusely? Tired? Do you have problem areas? Are there things you want to hide?
Now the hard part, masturbate. Don’t sit on the bed or anything like that. Try to stand. Watch yourself do it. No outside stimulus, no porn or poetry, just you watching you. If you are one of those girls who has to think about something, think about the people you work with watching you do this. This is what they want. Even the most prudish Mailgirl orgasms eventually. Someone always sees. Let them see. See yourself. Don’t stop until you come.
Now look at yourself again. Is your skin flushed? Cheeks rosy? Are you sweating yet?
Now go shower again. Time yourself. Wash yourself clean and use the soap. Do it in less than two minutes. Towel off in another minute. Find a marker. Give yourself a number greater than “1”. Write it on top of your left breast. Write it on your hips. Write it on the small of your back if you can.
Now go back to the mirror and look at yourself. Say, “Hello, I’m Mailgirl Number ##. Is there something I can help you with sir/ma’am?” Practice that in the mirror ten times. What do you see? A naked woman? A fake lawyer? Or are you a Mailgirl? Can you do it?
Protect yourself. You are a different person now. “Desperate” was a woman who lied on her resume and got caught. Now you are a “Mailgirl ##”. Hide behind the uniform. Use the number to protect yourself. Correct anyone who tries to call you by your old name. Now you are a Mailgirl who is trying to pass law school so you don’t have to mailgirl anymore.
I know it seems like a herculean effort but use this as an opportunity to start over. Everybody wants that at some point. It rarely comes. This is your chance.
And I promise you that if you take the job this is the worst you will ever look. Watch what you eat and your body will tighten up from the work. Remember this is only till you get through law school. After that you are your own woman again and a lawyer with a full career in front of her.
Or if you enjoy it, you could continue as a Mailgirl. There is good money for Mailgirls with advanced degrees.
Or you could ditch the whole thing and start over doing something else. It’s up to you.
If you decide you’re okay with being a Mailgirl, find out what kind of contract they want you to sign. Will you be living there? If so that is one less expense. If not they need to pay you enough to survive. Ask if it is a Mail Girls Enterprises contract or if they are writing their own. If they write their own you want a “body maintenance clause” so they pay for your beauty supplies, waxing, anal bleaching, etc. Those costs can add up quick. Also birth control. Independent Mailgirls are almost always on the pill so they can regulate their cycles.
So if you are still reading this Desperate, if you are still considering it, you do have a choice; start over elsewhere or become a lawyer via the Mailgirl route. That’s it. Everything else depends on your willingness to get it done.
If it is a Mail Girls Enterprises contract let me know. Maybe I can come up and train you for a week myself! Either way follow up with me and let me know your decision. I’m sure my lovely readers would like to know as well.
Thanks for the question Desperate! I suppose I could give out advice too if people need it. Dealing with Mailgirls can be a touchy subject around the workplace and I can help point you in the right direction.
Keep those questions and comments coming. I hope everyone gets outside and gets some exercise. Remember, health and efficiency matters!