Delivering the Dirt – A Mailgirl’s Blog

[First post, pinned.]

Hi everyone. Thanks for finding my little page. If you found it on a search or followed the link on my Reddit Ask Me Anything then congratulations, this is the new place. That Reddit thread was getting tough to maintain when over 300 questions a day were coming in, and with so many of them being repeats, I figured it would be much more manageable if I did this in blog format.

Please, before asking a question read the previous blog posts or index as your question may have already been answered. If there is enough interest in a particular subject I may post a follow up. Do not ask me super personal or intimate questions as I just won’t answer them. If I don’t answer, don’t persist. It’s creepy.

So, here are the answers to the ten most common questions I get:

1. “Are you a real Mailgirl?”

Yes.

 

2. “How long have you been a Mailgirl?”

This is my fifth year. I’m on my fourth contract and at my third company.

 

3. “Do you have to work naked?”

Yes and no. When I’m at work I’m ‘in uniform’; Meaning my numbers are prominently displayed in the right places, the MMU securely strapped to my arm or wrist (I’ve worked in places that used either), hair tied back, shaved and showered. With all that preparation, both physical and mental, I don’t consider myself ‘nude’ when I am at work. I am doing the job they hired me to do while wearing the required uniform and being paid very well for it. So while many would say I work naked I don’t feel that way.

 

4. “What should we call you?”

Please call me “Number Six”, “Mailgirl Six”, or just “Six”. I do have a real name but I would like to keep that private for obvious reasons. Six is not even my real number but even a naked girl has to keep some secrets 😉
But this is a good point to bring up a piece of professional etiquette; please call a Mailgirl by her proper number. If you see a Mailgirl at work and her number reads “05” it’s because there are more than ten Mailgirls around. You would not read “19” as “One-Nine”, you would say “Nineteen”. So please say 05 as “Five” instead of “O-5” or “oh five”. It’s a weird little thing but I did have a coworker who kept calling the Mailgirls “0-2” and “0-6” and a boss overheard them. She thought they were getting too friendly with the Mailgirls saying “Oh, Two…” and “Oh, Six…”. Silly mistake but it cost someone their job.
To that extent it’s always Mailgirl (capitalized) and not ‘mailgirl’. DDE trademarked the term before they spun Mail Girls Inc. as its own entity.

 

5. “I don’t believe you’re a real Mailgirl. Can you send me pics?”

No. I would not anyway but the Mailgirl contracts are very specific about that. A Mailgirl uniform is trademarked to Mail Girls Inc. as part of its “inscrutable corporate image”, like FedEx or UPS delivery people. We have a code of conduct while in uniform and would be breaching my contract if I sent you pics or posted them here. I could get fired and sued. While that seems a bit much it also makes it illegal for others to take my picture while I’m in uniform, so it is actually an additional level of protection.
(And yes I could scrub off my numbers and send you naked pictures on my own time but I’m not that kind of girl.)

 

6. “If we can’t get a pic how about a description? I want a mental image.”

That’s fair. I’m a 25 year old Caucasian female, with shoulder length brown hair and hazel eyes. People say my face is cute and pretty, not beautiful. At 5′ 6″ and 125 lbs. I’m on the thin side and my measurements are 32-24-34. My breasts are on the large side of B cups and are a little more than a handful. My nipples are naturally pink but when I tan they look a little brown. My nips fit under a quarter-dollar coin, covering the areola completely. (Sorry about the details, I get a lot of questions about my breasts. I consider my best feature my legs and that includes booty. Since I started this job it’s all rock hard down there and I think my legs and ass are really sexy.

 

7. “Do you feel exploited?”

No. I’m a sex-positive feminist. While I do not attend a nude beach or orgies I consider my naked body to be a healthy expression of female empowerment and sexuality. We are all naked under our clothes, we all like to have sex. That is reality. It’s only taboo because of outdated puritan sentiment. European and Asian cultures accept this healthy expression. America needs a little social progression. This is my job and I want to do it well. If my uniform is distracting you better learn to focus harder. If it is offensive you better learn to lighten up and co-exist. And if you like it give your Mailgirl a good review for a job well done. We actually have to put a lot of work into looking this good and positive reviews and star ratings is how you can show it.

 

8. “So how much money do you make?”

This is the big question and it has a complicated answer. A standard two year contract pays $125,000 a year or $250,000, but hose amounts are not a straight salary and they calculate structured bonuses into the payout amount for advertising purposes. My first contract had a $25,000 signing bonus, a $25,000 completion bonus, and a $50,000 performance bonus. This meant my actual contract salary was $150,000 or $75,000 a year. Good money for right out of school but not the fortune it seems on the outset, especially after demerits are subtracted out.
On my third and fourth contract I was able to negotiate higher salaries, especially as I was relocating and had a proven record as a Mailgirl. These are not structured. I developed my Mailgirl skills over the years and am compensated generously for it.

 

9. “If you could wear one article of clothing at your job what would it be?”

Running shoes. Hands down. No contest. I would kill for some arch support.
When you spend a full day on your bare feet you feel it all the way up your back. Some days I do a lot of running and underneath those thin carpets are concrete. It does a number on the feet and the small of the back. A good pair of sneakers would make my job so much better.

 

10. “I don’t mean to be a perv but I have to ask; What happens if you get horny?”

It’s not a matter of if, it is a matter of when. It happens. It happens to everyone. It happens differently as well as all women have different turn-ons. Some ‘Girls like being watched, for others it can be the brush of fabric against their bare skin, for some its only when certain people look at them or an order is given in certain tone of voice.
When it happens to me I try to control it. If it’s a feeling that has built up over a few days I will masturbate when I get home at night. If it continues I’ll find a friend to hook up with on my own time. Only in the most embarrassing of emergencies do I masturbate at work, and regulations require I do that on a mandatory rest period.
And sometimes orgasms just happen. It can’t be helped if its involuntary. You just come, get embarrassed about anyone watching and try to go on with the rest of your day.

There was one time in particular that was really rough, the projector had broken in a meeting room and clients were coming in to review our progress for a contract renewal. It was an important meeting and I had to run back-and-forth to the copy room, which was on  a different floor and different part of the building, for every Powerpoint slide of this presentation. I would get back to the meeting and pass them out as they progressed. It was getting a little exhausting and there was one executive, a young guy, devilishly handsome and I kept catching his eyes looking at me. He was kind of turning me on just by looking. After the last run I stood in the corner and waited to be dismissed and this guy was trying not to obviously look at me.
Finally one of the other clients was like, “Well if your company is as excited to work for us as your Mailgirl is, then I guess we must extend the contract.”

My boss was happy and everybody shook hands, there I was in the corner, nipples erect and more than sweat collecting between my legs, cheeks burning from embarrassment. After they left the boss have me a four star review and a ten minute break to go get myself cleaned up. As it was two minutes to the locker room and four minutes to normally shower, I ran to the closest opportune spot, the loading dock.
It was fall and the air was getting crisp and the big bay doors were open, but there was a floor sink out there for the janitors to rinse their mops. Normally I would not consider this but it was an emergency. I needed the extra time.

The air was cool, the water was cold, but the urge was upon me and I had to release voluntarily now or involuntarily later. So I diddled myself until I came, right there standing in the mop sink with a black rubber hose washing over me and the sounds of my moaning echoing off the concrete walls. The guys in Shipping and Receiving appreciated the show, Mailgirls don’t get down there much and work had come to a stop as they all watched me do it. I guess I put on a pretty good show as they all clapped and cheered while handing me paper towels after I’d finished and hosed off.

 

So that’s it for the most common ten questions. DM me your own if you would like to see this blog continue.

And remember, health and efficiency matters!