Melanie was naked and excited in Josy’s backyard after being stripped by her outside in the cold air. They were about to go back inside, with Josy carrying her clothes.
The warm air blasted her skin. Even though she hadn’t felt the cold as much, it was a stark contrast. She was still feeling energized and rushed past Josy up the stairs to Josy’s room, jumping onto her bed. By the time Josy arrived and put down her clothes and shoes, her hands were roaming all over her body. They felt cold on her hot skin, but it didn’t bother her. If anything, the contrast excited her more. She was aware Josy was taking a few more pictures before she stopped to look at her.
“That was awesome,” she said, trembling with excitement. “Thank you Josy.”
“I know, right? You look like you’re glowing.”
Melanie blushed at that and curled up into a ball.
Josy took another picture and then put the phone down, then asked, “Do you want to look at the pictures?”
Melanie shook her head as she stayed in her little ball. Though she was curious about what the pictures would look like, she felt they were Josy’s thing, not hers.
“Are you going home to take care of things?”
She thought about getting dressed again, going home, then up to her room. She didn’t know if she’d still be in the mood by then. On top of that, as her parents were home, she’d have to make an excuse to go to her room and be quiet about it.
“Can I stay here?” she asked.
“Here in my room?” Josy asked. She seemed unsure, but after a pause she added, “My parents will be back in an hour or so.”
“Yes,” Melanie whispered, unmoving.
Josy seemed to hesitate. She turned towards the door but then asked, “Do you need anything?”
“Please,” Melanie said. Did Josy just offer to help her?
“Oh,” Josy said. “I will push you just a little.”
She closed her eyes and went passive, letting Josy pull her legs out, pushing her onto her back, but leaving her arms still close to her chest.
“Still straight though,” she heard Josy say as she started to caress the outside of her legs, from knees to feet.
Very slowly, Josy rolled her socks down her feet. Somehow the feeling of these last articles of clothing removed in such a way felt like she was being stripped naked all over again and she had to fight not to move her hands down for cover or pull her legs up. She felt Josy pull on each toe in turn, from pinky toe to pinky toe. The unexpected sensations were exciting her.
Then the hands went up over her feet and massaged her legs from calves to thighs. Josy gradually spent more and more time on her thighs, coming tantalizingly close to her sex, but each time pulling away again. She realized that in her current state if Josy touched her there directly, she would not stop her. The whole experience was both relaxing and arousing and throughout it all she shifted her legs around, gradually spreading her legs until her feet were about shoulder width apart.
When Josy stopped, she moaned in frustration, and then felt Josy take her hands to guide them down.
“Josy… What do I do?” Melanie felt a last bit of doubt at doing this here in Josy’s bedroom.
“Pretend you’re outside in the sun, maybe?” Josy suggested. “Call me if you need me.”
Keeping her eyes closed, she continued where Josy had left off as she heard Josy leave the room. She imagined herself naked in the little field by the highway, people passing by without knowing she was there, as her right hand roamed around, and her left hand went to her sex.
“Yes…” Melanie moaned to herself.
She went to work on herself, imagination in overdrive. She lost track of time, twisting and turning on Josy’s bed as she pleasured herself until finally she felt herself getting close. Not long after, she tipped over and the orgasm that had eluded her for months tore through her as she screamed in pleasure.
She lay there for a while in post orgasmic bliss and was just aware of Josy dropping herself onto the bed next to her.
“I could hear you from the living room,” Josy said. After a pause, she continued, “I think there was something else you wanted to talk about”.
“Hmmm. Yes. Important. Later,” Melanie managed.
The ability of forming sentences escaped her at the moment. She wanted to stay like that for a while longer and not think about anything else.
“Okay. Do you want a quick shower before you go home? My parents might already come home in 10 minutes if they’re early.”
There was no getting around it, she had to get up before they came home. Josy pulled her up from the bed and with her help she made it to the bathroom.
“Thank you, Josy,” Melanie said as she rinsed off. She had asked Josy to stay with her in the bathroom so they could talk.
“You know, I was so worried after Saturday. I thought I’d pushed you too much and ruined this thing we had going.”
So that’s why Josy had become distant with her, she realized. It explained a lot.
“I think we just misunderstood each other,” Melanie said as she got out of the shower.
“So, what about that other thing you wanted to talk about?”
“Yeah. Something happened and I really need to talk to you about it, but I don’t think we have time,” she said.
Though it weighed on her, she didn’t want to risk getting stressed out thinking about it at the moment, and she didn’t know how long it would take to talk about it with Josy.
“Next time be a little faster,” Josy said, winking at her.
Melanie was only slightly embarrassed by Josy’s directness this time.
“Are your parents back yet?”
“I didn’t hear them come home. One sec,” Josy said and she opened the bathroom door to listen. “No, they’re not home yet.”
Melanie gave the towel to Josy to hang it to dry, then she walked naked back to Josy’s room, hearing Josy’s laugh behind her. Her clothes were still there, and she got dressed again. She wondered if she should ask Josy why she left the room earlier, but perhaps it made sense to keep certain things separate in their friendship. In a way she was glad Josy hadn’t taken pictures of her during her masturbation session, but now it felt like she had abused Josy’s hospitality by taking over her bedroom for such a thing.
“Ah! I’m so stupid!” Josy exclaimed suddenly, just as Melanie was about to go home.
“Why? What’s wrong?”
“I forgot to spank you after we went inside,” Josy laughed and Melanie shook her head, amused.
That was a joke, right?
Wednesday morning, she woke up feeling refreshed. The stress of the previous day was forgotten.
“I’m glad to see you’re feeling better today,” Sarah said to her at lunch.
“Yeah,” Melanie said, taken aback by Sarah’s remark. Was she that transparent?
“You seem much more relaxed, which is a little strange since exams are coming up soon,” Sarah said, appraising her.
“Sarah’s right. What makes you so happy today?” Cohen asked and then added, “Did you meet someone?”
“What? No,” Melanie said, feeling the heat rush to her face. She was not going to explain to them the details of yesterday’s stress relief.
Sarah and Cohen laughed. Brian didn’t laugh and she saw a strange look pass his face.
“Don’t mind them, Melanie,” he said. “You don’t have to explain.”
They were still laughing, and Melanie decided to switch it back on them.
“Are any of you seeing someone?” she asked. They hadn’t talked about this yet.
“Hmm? I have a boyfriend,” Sarah was the first to respond to her question. “He’s still in high school. I had to move here, but we still see each other on weekends.”
“He’s younger than you?” Melanie asked.
“He’s from Peru. His parents moved here when he was eight and he had to catch up a year due to language,” Sarah explained. “What about you, Brian?”
“Not much going on,” he said, and left it there.
“That’s it?” asked Sarah, then laughed. “What about that girl you went to the dance with?”
Brian didn’t respond.
“Fine, keep your secrets. Cohen, care to tell Melanie your history?”
“All of it? If you want to be here all day,” Cohen laughed. “I’ll spare the details and give you the summary. My girlfriend went to study abroad. She’s all into languages and shit, so we decided to spare us the pain of a long-distance relationship and broke up.”
“You’re such an asshole sometimes, Cohen,” Sarah said. “I know for a fact it was entirely one sided. Leah just went along with your decision.”
“What are you talking about?” Cohen asked.
“Seriously dude. I love you, but sometimes you’re so dense,” Sarah said as she rolled her eyes. Then she said, “That leaves you, Melanie. Anyone special in your life?”
She looked at her watch. Still fifteen minutes left to lunchtime. She didn’t like the question nor being the center of attention.
“No boyfriend,” she said.
“Girlfriend?” Sarah asked, raising her eyebrows.
“No,” she said, blushing as she thought about the things she had done with Josy. Though they had broken some traditional rules of friendship, they weren’t in any sort of relationship.
She saw Sarah glance at Brian, who was looking the other way, and then focused on her again.
“Anyway, we need to get you three out there then,” Sarah said to them. “I hear there’s a party at the end of exam week.”
Melanie liked the idea of going to a party. She had little experience with going to parties in high school and with her new friends she thought she could very well enjoy letting loose a bit.
Thursday afternoon before going home, Melanie and Josy met at the apartment complex to pick up their room keys and check out the rooms. They decided to check both rooms together, starting with Josy’s on floor six. There were two other girls currently present and they introduced themselves and told them they’d be moving in that weekend.
Josy’s room looked in good condition, thankfully. It wasn’t that large but had enough space to comfortably fit an average sized wardrobe, a desk, and a bed.
Next they went to Melanie’s room. There were four other girls present there and they introduced themselves here as well. Melanie’s room looked in good condition as well, with identical spacing.
“Do you have any specific rules around the apartment that I should know about?” Melanie asked.
“We have a cleaning schedule and alternate cooking for each other, if you’ll join for dinner that is.” Paige said, a 21-year-old brunette. Then she asked, “Anything in particular you want to know?”
“She wants to know if she needs to wear clothes around the house,” Josy said.
Melanie looked at her in shock.
“She’s joking!” she quickly said, turning red.
“Wear whatever you like. Just don’t have any orgies in the common room, please,” Paige said while the others laughed.
“Don’t worry, we’re a friendly bunch. If someone bothers you in any way, we can discuss it as a group,” Alani said, a 19-year-old with black hair.
On their way home, Melanie gave Josy a piece of her mind.
“Why did you tell them that, Josy?”
“They laughed and took it as a joke. It’s a nice little icebreaker, don’t you think? Besides, if you do want a bit more freedom in what you wear, I’ve just given you the perfect excuse to do so,” Josy said. “You heard what she said, wear whatever you like.”
Melanie sighed. It might be true what Josy just said, but she didn’t want her roommates to have this impression of her right off the bat. She did briefly wonder what it would be like to be walking around naked in the apartment. The thought gave her butterflies, but she dismissed it as a ridiculous fantasy.
The bus home was mostly empty, as it was past rush hour. Josy suggested they sit in the back of the bus. Melanie felt tired after this long day and thought she might fall asleep if she closed her eyes.
“Are you wearing panties under your skirt?” Josy whispered to her out of the blue as the bus continued its route.
The question sent tingles down Melanie’s spine and she looked around. There was no one nearby and as she was sitting by the window, the chairs in front of her blocked the view of her lower half.
“Uhm…” she said, hesitating.
“Lift up,” Josy said.
She lifted herself up and Josy pulled her skirt out from under her. As she sat back down, she felt the direct contact of the seat on the back of her thighs. Josy lifted her skirt up further to give a clear view of her panties.
“You should go to classes without sometime,” Josy suggested as she let go of her skirt, leaving it bunched up around her waist.
She wondered what it would be like. Closing her eyes, she tried to imagine sitting in classes or at lunch in a short skirt and no panties. Taking notes, working on problems together with her friends, who’d be completely unaware that she was a simple flip of her skirt away from exposing her privates.
She felt Josy’s fingers on her bare leg, tracing circles. She let it happen, curious as to why Josy was touching her, but also enjoying the sensations. Soon, Josy was using her whole hand, caressing her leg up to near her panties and moving between the top of her legs and between where she had them pressed together. She luxuriated in the feeling and shortly after she spread her legs slightly, wondering how far Josy would take this. Josy wasted little time, using the afforded extra room to caress the insides of her thighs. She was starting to feel hot from the intimate touches. Timing it so that Josy’s hand was close to her sex, she pressed her legs together, trapping Josy’s hand.
“You tease,” she said, grabbing Josy’s wrist with her hand to hold it there.
She felt Josy try to remove her hand from between her thighs.
“If you don’t let go of my hand…” Josy warned, looking at her.
“Then what?” she challenged and then Josy’s action made her exclaim, “Ah!”
Josy had pressed her hand against her sex and now she felt the bus engine’s vibrations against her clit.
“Mel, wake up, we’re at our stop,” Josy said was she was shaking her shoulder.
“Huh, what?” Melanie jolted awake, opening her eyes.
Had she dreamt all that? No, her skirt was still up around her waist, so that part was not a dream. It was partially covering her own hand between her legs.
Josy was already standing up and moving to the doors, so she quickly fixed her skirt and hurried to follow.
“Will you do it?” Josy asked as they walked home from the bus stop. It was only a short distance.
“If you tell me when,” she said, blushing.
She wanted Josy to make that choice for her.
“I will,” Josy said after a short pause, grinning at her. “But since you put it like that, I will choose your outfit for you.”
That is too much! Melanie turned red imagining what kinds of outfits Josy would come up with. However, she couldn’t deny the thrill she felt along with it. She imagined going to college in a short skirt or dress.
“Okay,” she said, then asked, “What if it gets colder though?”
“Tights, or pants,” Josy said after a pause. Then she asked, “Do you have thigh highs?”
“Thigh highs? No, I don’t have those,” Melanie said.
“Let’s go shopping again soon,” Josy said with a wink as they arrived home.
As usual, this was a delight to read. As the weather gets colder it’s nice when a good story can warm you up a bit. Thank you, Cave.
Thigh highs help in colder weather too 😉
Thigh highs are awesome. I certainly do not know why. They just are.
The warm air blasted her skin as she entered the house.
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I liked the opening paragraph. But I forgot the house part from the last chapter, so it might be good to add the extra house bit.
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The mix-up of dialog and action is very nice, it flows well and is very enjoyable. If you wanted to go the extra mile you could separate paragraphs by who person. Below is the original.
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“I know, right? You look like you’re glowing.
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”Melanie blushed at that and curled up into a ball. Josy took another picture and then put the phone down.
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“Do you want to look at the pictures?” Josy asked.
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Melanie shook her head as she stayed in her little ball. Though she was curious about what the pictures would look like, she felt they were Josy’s thing, not hers.
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Here is the same thing, slightly modified, example of how most writers do it:
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“I know, right? You look like you’re glowing.
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”Melanie blushed at that and curled up into a ball.
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Josy took another picture and then put the phone down. “Do you want to look at the pictures?” she asked.
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Melanie shook her head as she stayed in her little ball. Though she was curious about what the pictures would look like, she felt they were Josy’s thing, not hers.
—————-
It’s really just a minor change, but it can make a big difference following along. Readers generally know that a space between paragraphs usually means the OTHER person did something. Not always, but usually. Especially if it’s two characters.
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Again, I’m loving this story. You came out of the gate with good action, dialog, it’s hot, and LOTS of little paragraphs. So it’s a delight to read technically as well.
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The last technical tip is something that took me months to remember. It’s such a minor thing, but I always forgot it… but now I finally tend to get it right.
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“Oh”, Josy said. “I will push you just a little.”
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The comma next to “Oh” goes INSIDE the quotes.
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“Oh,” Josy said. “I will push you just a little.”
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Master those two things and you’re pretty much past most of the stuff that readers might snag on. And ready to just focus on your art. Telling that great story. What I particularly like about your writing is that you can do description, narration, dialog, scene-setting, mood, pace, and it’s all very readable while also able to slow down when you want and really milk the second by second intimate stuff. Plus you stay focused on a one-on-one banter very well. I also like your plot very much, which feels realistic and natural due to your dialog and how you break things up.
Wow, thank you so much for taking the time to give this detailed feedback. I appreciate it a lot!
I will add a small reminder of the situation at the start of the chapter and make the little corrections.
Also, thank you the compliments.
I’m going to re-read chapter 8 before I read chapter 9. Melanie’s willingness to let Josey do things is very cool. And by cool I mean hot. The playing with the camera was enjoyable.
Plus I like the subtle realistic word choices. “Are you going home to take care of things?”Things escalated. I like how Josey enjoys pushing but is worried about pushing too much.
Later with the meeting some new roommates, I liked Josey’s joke about if Melanie has to wear clothes. It was excellent to add that there and was handled realistically with Melanie’s irritation about it. These characters have a great dynamic. They both get a lot from each other.
The dream was sexy. It was cool that Melanie wasn’t certain if it was all a dream or not. That’s a delicious amount of uncertainty.
Shopping must be next. Then a party? I’m curious about what will happen with her new roommates and also just more stuff with Josy. Lots to look forward to!
Cave,
More good stuff!
I enjoyed this chapter. It’s a chapter that seems to portend a lot of fun just ahead. I mean, there was fun here: the photos, Mel masturbating and cumming in Josy’s bed, but the major fun seems to be just ahead. Way to keep a reader coming back for more!
Sarah, Cohen, Brian … they all seem as if possibly Josy has been talking. But maybe it’s just that Melanie’s expression is giving her away. The way this is written is fun because it leaves a reader wondering. And I really like that there are new roommates, especially how Josy tips them off. That and the discussion of going to class without panties hints at a lot of fun just around the bend.
I’ve been reconsidering what I think of dreams for a while now. I’ve written them, but they represent a complication. On the one hand, they can be quite fun. The trick, to my way of thinking, is to minimize the letdown that a reader might feel once they find out they’ve been had. I mean, I was loving the idea of Josy touching Mel on the bus. My suggestion (not for here, but for the future) is to replace one type of fun with another. In other words, as Mel wakes up and discovers that it was her own hand, not Josy’s, she might look up and see that Josy was filming her. Or possibly, there could be a couple of guys there, their tongues hanging out.
You don’t need to change a thing, but all writers need to be aware that readers learning that they were tricked can result in disappointment.
But thigh-highs and a skirt (no panties). I’m all over that! The women that understand the power of such an outfit can wrap their men around their little fingers. (Just as Josy might end up with Mel wrapped around her little finger).
Blair
Indeed she did, and isn’t it interesting how Josy didn’t mind, knowing exactly what Melanie was about to do?
I love this suggestion. It’s a shame Josy wasn’t paying attention to Melanie… I mean, if she had noticed Mel’s hand, she would have done something, I’m sure.
Anyway, good point about the effect of tricking readers with dreams. Sorry, readers.
re:jumping days
I’ll play around with it a bit, see what works best.
Thank you for the comments 🙂
One more small thing I meant to mention: at one point you jumped a day. (Wednesday morning, she woke up feeling refreshed.) It’s not required, but I think it’s a nice touch for readability if you put in a few more spaces (vertically) before such jumps. I tend to drop in ~ ~ ~ on it’s own line. Otherwise, such jumps seem a bit abrupt to me.