There I was swimming in the West Spainport University pool. This was no ordinary swim though, I was racing against three other competitors, all of us using professional swim clothes and gear loaned to us to try out for a place on the reserves of this university’s swim team. All of us were professional swimmers before, but only one of us would make it onto the University swim team, which was the best team in the region. All of us had tried and failed before, and this was probably going to be my last chance to get on the team.
Swoosh, slosh, slosh and some indistinct chanting was all I heard as I made the final turn in this race. When I’m swimming competitively, I try to block all distractions, including people, even if they are chanting me on. I kept crawling through the water until I finally touched the wall the last time. I poked my head above the water to notice that I was ahead of everyone by at least two to seven seconds. I swam to the side of the pool and exited it via the pool ladder. I was feeling very excited.
“Wow, you just blew past everyone on that last turn Nadine” my sister Salma told me as I climbed out.
“I know, I’m sure I made the team this time!” I exclaimed.
“I want to wait for the official announcement, but I’m very late for my shift, and I saw you win both of your races, so call me later after you go out with your friends and celebrate.”
“Sure!” I said as I left her and ran to my friends. She quickly left after talking to me.
Miki ran to me and hugged me, even though I was still wet.
“We’re so proud of you! Finally after four tryouts you made it!”
Miki was my good friend. She was pretty eccentric at times, but that just made her fun to be with. My best friend however was Steffanie. She walked up calmly, with the intention of hugging me, but stopped a few footsteps in front of me when I was posing for her to come and hug me. She obviously remembered that I just came out of the pool.
“Well done Nads, but I’m not hugging you this time.”
We all looked different, but were similar on the inside. I was a slender, athletic, bronze skinned b-cup girl. Miki was an even more energetic average built japanese Kawaii inspired a-cup young lady. Steffanie was a curvaceous gothic dark skinned d-cup beauty. The main thing that was similar among us was that we were all outsiders. We all had trouble fitting into the popular crowd and we noticed it amongst each other. That is what made me and Steffanie start talking, and what made us start to talk to Miki.
I was so lost in thought about my two friends that I did not notice that Merica, the swim team captain, had walked up behind me.
“Congrats Nadine, you’ve won your two races today, with fast enough times, that you have made it onto the reserve team.”
“Yes!” I shouted as I cuffed the air.
“We’re going to have an initiation party for you today after practice ends in a few minutes.”
“What!” I exclaimed.
“Aren’t you coming with us like we planned?” Steffanie asked. “We had things planned for tonight, to celebrate you making the team.”
“We don’t add new members everyday, it’s the least you could do to show your support for the team.”
The thought about spending time with the swim team was actually exciting to me. “Steffanie, could I go with them just this once? We could celebrate together tomorrow.”
“You selfish little bitch, I never expected this from you.”
“Steff, just this one time please!” I replied
“Last time I spent a whole week cheering you up after you didn’t make the team… and now you are abandoning us!”
She didn’t wait for me to reply again. She stormed off and left the pool area. I actually understood clearly why she was angry and I felt guilty. Failing at something I really want to do makes me depressed. In these moments of depression, I usually turn to my best friend. This was my fourth attempt to make the team, and she did cheer me up the last few times I had failed.
I was now facing Miki.
“You understand why I want to go with them right?”
“Yes, you got to be a member in a group that is more normal than us.” she said in a calm voice. This tone made me feel even more guilty.
She stormed off also. They were good at making me feel guilty. It made no sense to revert to the original plan however, as they would still be angry at me and being next to them now would just make me feel sheepish.
“Well I guess you’ll be joining us then…” Merica said, seemingly unphased by how I betrayed my friends.
It was now seven o’clock and the sun had almost finished setting. I was with four of the other members of the swim team, including Merica, driving around an upper-class neighbourhood after buying milk shakes. Practice was over and we were dressed in casual clothes.
“Nadine, if you really want to be part of our crew, you’ll have to go through our initiation.”
“What? I thought winning the races was enough to get me on the team?”
“You’re on the team, but you are not on the team yet!”
“What are you trying to say?”
“We like having fun… If you want to be around us while we are having fun, you have to prove it!”
“Do I really want to go through with whatever they had planned for me?”I thought for a few moments to myself. Then I remembered that my other friends were mad at me, so I might as well.
“Sure, what do I have to do?”
“Just jump into someone’s pool and swim a length of it.” Merica replied.
“Sounds easy.”
“…but you’ll have to be naked!”
“What! No way!”
“Are you really a competitive swimmer?”
“Yes!”
“Have you ever done a drug test?”
I thought back to my last few competitive swim meets with my old swim club Grey Dolphins. Random swimmers were always taken for drug testing during competitions. I was never amongst the chosen. I considered myself lucky for that. Being chosen meant that you effectively had to remove your swimsuit, as the material prevents you from pulling it to the side and urinating in a cup. All this while someone watches you to make sure that the urine sample is actually coming out of your body.
“Alright, fine! I’ll do it!” I hesitantly replied.
Merica stopped the car at the side of what seemed like a random house. It was actually a house on the last street of the housing development. On the right hand side of the street were houses, but on the left were empty lots. Behind the lots was a long forest-like park. It really didn’t work well as either of those things. I had no proper foot path to be an effective park, and it was too small and isolated from the real forest to be considered part of it. The residents of this area like it as it separated them from the more urban area on the other side of it.
“Here… in the backyard.”
I began having second thoughts. Saying that I was going to do something and actually doing it are two completely different things.
“Come out of the car and strip!”
“What!!”
“That’s how we know you would not get cold feet to continue… You are not going to make us sneak into the back yard, then change your mind. Strip!”
I thought about the consequences. Either I strip and I at least have fun with the swim team girls, or I go home lonely at least for the next couple days until my friends forgive me.
I got out of the car and the other girls followed me. I stood between the car and the shoulder high fence with all eight of their eyes glued on the girl they were waiting on to undress.
“I’ve never undressed in front of anyone like this before.” I said.
“Hurry up, we don’t have the whole night.” One of the girls replied.
I took a deep breath, turned my back towards them and I took off my t-shirt and rested it next to me. I had on a cute blue underwire cotton bra. I didn’t mind them seeing my bra. I sometimes wore translucent tops anyway. I then held my skirt. I unbuckled it and allowed it to fall down by itself, as I really didn’t want to take it off.
Then came the hard part, my underwear. I was accustomed to having a lot of my body exposed. My competition swimsuit has a design, which exposes my legs, shoulders, arms and part of my back. I was already more naked than that and I had more to take off.
I unbuckled my bra and put it into the growing pile of my clothing at the side of me.
“Wow, what a cute set of white panties she has on.” I heard one of the girls say.
That comment snapped me out of my train of thought that was helping me cope with stripping in front of them. I covered both of my breasts with my hands even though I was facing the next direction, and they were only seeing my back.
“Oh, come on!” another girl said.
“Ok, I just have to take off my panties and jump this fence and go into the pool” I said to myself.
I had no doubt that my face was turning red, my bronze skin couldn’t hide that. The street that we were on was lonely, but a neighbour that was hiding behind their window’s curtain and watching us would be invisible to me.
I finally got enough courage to pull down my panties and toss them on the heap.
“Alright turn around!” Merica commanded “We need to make sure you are fully naked, no pasties or tape.”
She knew I was fully naked, she just wanted to see how much humiliation I could take. I was in too deep already, so I turned around.
“Remove your hands!”
I didn’t realise that I was instinctively hiding. I slowly dragged away my hands from covering my breast and genitals and uneasily set them at my sides.
“You actually have a cute body, Nadine” Merica commented.
The other girls then joined in.
“Yeah, you have an athletic body but still have that feminine appeal.”
“She needs to shave her pussy more often…”
“Her breasts look bigger when she’s naked.”
“I like how her skin glows.”
Saying I was self-conscious was an understatement at this moment. I stared in their general direction but not directly at any of them as they inspected my body for what seemed like an eternity. I could not even make eye contact with any of them for the remainder of the night.
“Alright let’s start! I don’t know how much redder she can turn again.” Merica said.
She jumped over the wall and I followed her. The other girls stood and watched from the next side.
“See, all you have to do is to just jump in there and swim to the next side and back.”
I was ready for this to be over. The front of my body was thoroughly inspected by fellow swimmers and now they were probably doing the same to my back.
Splash! I dived into the pool. It was a short pool and I easily reached the other side. I stopped at the other side and I noticed everyone was running away. Merica was climbing back over the wall.
“What’s going on?” I thought to myself.
“Hold it right there!” I heard a man say as I turned to face the direction of the house.
“We’re the neighbourhood security, we heard some girls were up to no good at this house!”
My heart sank. I was caught trespassing while naked!
Good day everyone, I’m the author. I only found this website this week, and I like some of the stories so much I wanted to share my own. This story is actually for a game I am developing (an adult visual novel). I actually haven’t started it yet, but this website can give me feedback on the story.
A little short but a good beginning
Great to have a new author here. We’ll be glad to help with the story of the game by giving feedback. So far this is a solid start.
Hey Oran, it’s a fun start. Nadine is interesting. Nice cliffhanger. Do you have more written already? I can see this style of story being popular around here. What type of feedback are you looking for?
I have already started the second chapter. I think I can write 4 to 7 chapters in this story (but longer chapters though). I have an outline of events to happen, but feedback from commenters can sometimes reveal more interesting story beats or plot points that can enhance the narrative.
I also like constructive criticism. I think of it as market research. You get insight into what people are thinking as they read your story. I like to know if I forgot about some story element, if I made a mistake somewhere, or if something just isn’t making sense.
That sounds great. I’m kind of out of it at the moment, about to goto sleep. But from what I remember the friends strong reaction to her going with her team members to celebrate seemed a bit off. I was expecting some disappointment, but not such strong anger as they should be happy for her as well, right? So that was one thing I wasn’t sure about, but I didn’t mind your direction as well. It was just surprising. Some general advice might be to characterize some of your characters with something unique. I liked all of the dialog and the story structure seems good and well paced. Some things seem kind of black and white, but that can be refreshing sometimes too – a firm direction. It’s a compelling start and I am looking forward for more.
Probably don’t need quotes here. Or ‘What’s going on,’ I thought to myself. Or… I wondered what was going on.
This was done on purpose. It will payoff in future chapters.
I’m trying to focus more on the journey than the destination. A lot of times, the journey is more memorable.
Can you explain this further?
Ahh… a plan with the friends – that sounds good. Focusing on the journey is always wise. This is a good setup. By black and white I meant it feels very clear that the team is not at all worried about giving her some trouble. Explain? Well Mercia is characterized nicely with her actions, and attitude but are all the swim team girls exactly the same? Do they all look the same? How many are there now? Are they all brunettes with half shaved heads and short? Do they all talk the same? I’m not saying you have to go crazy with descriptions, especially if they are minor characters that won’t be around in the future, but whenever someone speaks you can add in a tiny thing that makes that person stand out a bit. However, I also like the brisk pacing you have so I wouldn’t want to slow that down too much. I really don’t think you need to change a thing. But you did ask for suggestions so this is what pops into my mind. My hope going forward is that things are not easy to guess about what will happen next. But even if they are, if well executed that can be enjoyable as well. So you are making a game? Are you an artist or programmer as well? This is all very interesting and I wonder if she will escape or what will happen with that guy that caught her. Looking forward to the next chapter!
OK, I get what you are saying. Consider adding at least some short descriptions for speaking characters. I think that’s what I generally see in novels also. With respect to the game, I’m programming it, doing the artwork and even composing some of it’s music. Yes, people like to tell me I’m a jack of all trades. I’m not going to start it till sometime after Easter, as I need to save up to get a proper GPU to render the scenes. The artwork will be done in Daz 3D Studio (it’s a lot easier to use than you think), and I’m using the Ren’py engine to program it (it’s the best Visual Novel Engine available). I created a game last year using this technique already, but I’m still testing the version 1.0, but you could download version 0.05 right now at https://alliterativeactivities.itch.io/good-girl-giselle. This game contains around 30 animated sex scenes. Version 1.0 will contain 49. It has an interesting story too, not as deep as I want to go with Nadine’s Dilemma.