Mary looked around her hotel room.
“Yep, I’m really in Laredo. Again.”
She was in town to meet with one of her sales reps and to interview someone for the regional auditor position. It was a shit job, made shittier by the abuse that said person had to take from the sales reps they were supposed to keep in line.
It didn’t help that with the sales conference just a few months away, whoever she hired would probably quit right after, if not during the conference.
The conference was traditionally where the sales reps took their revenge on the auditors. This year, there was talk that the conference’s big night would be a toga party and that did not bode well for anyone who might have a target on his or her back, so to speak.
At any rate, word was out that this company was none too progressive and although it paid pretty well, the auditor position was, well, a shitty job.
In fact, Mary only had one applicant who was actually willing to fly down here to interview for the position.
The interview was scheduled for 10:00 am the following morning.
She had been with her rep all day. These reps were typically in their late twenties to early thirties, fit and ridiculously attractive. This led to great sales results, big bonuses and a sense of entitlement that was tough to hold in check. They had been cheerleaders, star athletes, head of their respective sororities and fraternities back in the day. They were used to getting their way.
Mary knew how to keep them in check better than most because she used to be one of them. At 49 she still looked great and appreciated that she could still make good money being a wrangler of sorts.
There were some issues with her rep in Laredo. Mary wasn’t at all sure that she was going to make it. For now though, she had bigger problems. She had to fill this auditor position and fast.
After a long dinner, she sat in her hotel room and caught up on emails. She stretched and found herself staring at an oil painting of a steer at 11:30 pm.
“God, I really should just go to bed,” she thought as she picked herself up and headed for the bar.
Earlier that evening.
“I am sorry Mr. Tyler, I don’t see a reservation for you.”
“We’ll look again,” and here Ted made a point of looking at her name tag, “Vickie. I made this reservation a week ago and I am using points. As a matter of fact I made it through the rewards program, so let’s just call them, shall we?”
And with that he picked up the desk phone and started stabbing at numbers.
He explained his situation to the unlucky person on the other end of the line, throwing shade at Vickie while demanding that this situation get resolved. It turned out that this hotel chain had a sister hotel across town and Ted had made his reservation there. He somehow tried to make this the fault of the person on the phone.
“How was I supposed to know that there were two hotels with the same name here! You should anticipate that kind of confusion!”
He demanded satisfaction and handed the phone to Vickie so that the two of them could work this out.
The woman on the phone asked Vickie for help. Vickie assured her that they could find a room for Mr. Tyler.
“Can you do me a favor, and make sure it is the shittiest room you have available.”
This made Vickie laugh, which earned her a dirty look from Ted.
“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure that Mr. Tyler is well taken care of.”
With that she hung up and turned her attention back to Ted.
“And I expect a discount for all the trouble,” he huffed as she looked for a room.
“And I prefer the first floor!”
Well that played right into her hands.
“Here you are Mr. Tyler, room 105, right through those doors over there and down the hall.”
“You’re not off to a great start Vickie,” he said over his shoulder as he walked away.
Vickie’s anger was tempered by the fact that she had indeed given him a shitty room and he wouldn’t realize it until it was too late.
By day, it seemed like a perfectly fine room, close to the lobby area, close to the breakfast buffet and close to the pool. At night, however, the lobby was transformed into a bar/dance floor.
There were big double doors that sort of sound proofed the music, except when they were opened, which was a lot, since the public restrooms were in the hallway, right across from room 105.
Ted tried to go to bed around eleven, but that proved impossible.
He didn’t really drink, however he would have made an exception tonight but knew he really couldn’t afford it, both fiscally and mentally. If he didn’t get this job, he wasn’t sure how he was going to pay his rent, much less buy a drink. It wasn’t just his money worries that were keeping him up.
The noise, the music, the people talking and laughing right outside his door was constant.
He called the front desk to complain.
“Oh Hello Mr. Tyl…”
“What is all that noise!?”
“Well when does it end?”
“Oh my God!,” fumed Ted.
“Some people like to use their patio area, it is quieter out there and very pleasant this time of year. Be sure to close the sliding door behind you though, you don’t want to let in flies and mosquitoes.”
Ted, just harrumphed and hung up.
Vickie, pulled the phone from her ear and kept talking. “And I hope you are wearing the most ridiculous pajamas ever, because if you close that sliding door in room 105, it has a tendency to lock.”
Little did she know how happy she would soon be.
Ted decided he might as well shower now and then he could sleep a little later in the morning. He got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. He walked back into his room and rolled his eyes as he heard the music pounding. He decided to see if it was indeed a little quieter out on his patio. He slid the door open and walked out. There was a slight breeze and it felt nice against his bare chest. He thought maybe he would sit out there for a while. He remembered he had left the sliding door open. Worried about bugs and mosquitoes, he quickly shut it behind him. As he did so, he heard a click that immediately made him uncomfortable. Sure enough as he yanked on the door handle the sliding door would not budge. “Dammit,” he muttered under his breath. He tried it again but no luck.
He sat out there in just his towel for a few minutes trying to think of anything he could do other than what he knew he had to do. He wasn’t getting into his room without a new key. In any other hotel he’d be in luck, as he was just six or seven rooms away from the lobby, but of course in this hotel the lobby was currently a disco.
He walked to the first door he could find leading back into the hotel and was grateful that it opened without a key. He found himself at room 125 and looked down the long stretch of hallway that lay before him.
He tentatively walked up to the doors to the lobby area, his heart thumping as hard as the music. He peered through the crack between the doors hoping to see, what exactly? That maybe the place was empty, that no one was in there? The reality was he really couldn’t see much at all.
He heard an “ahem” and turned and saw a man with a funny smile on his face, the kind of look anybody would have when confronted with a man in a towel standing between them and a door. Ted quickly got out of his way and the man walked inside, the music blaring even louder as the door opened. He hadn’t thought about the fact that the bathrooms were behind him and that people would be coming in and out on a fairly regular basis. It was now or never he decided. He took a deep breath opened the door and walked in.
If he could be comforted at all he was comforted by how dark it was. Still, he could see everyone and everyone could see him, but it still felt just a little better being in a dimly lit space. That comfort faded as he rounded the corner to the front desk area. First he was confronted by a long bar with 10 or 12 stools. This area was well lit and he made the mistake of making eye contact with some of the people sitting there. Everyone was looking at him with raised eyebrows and smiles. He quickly looked down turned and and walked over to the front desk.
When he looked up his heart sank.
There were three pretty young women, college-age he guessed, standing there talking and laughing with the woman behind the desk, who of course, was Vickie.
In fact, they were in their mid-twenties. Two of them, Sophie and Anita were Hispanic. Both were black haired beauties. Sophie, tall and slender while Anita was a bit shorter, a bit curvier and a lot bustier. The third woman, Debra was blonde, tall like Sophie and large breasted like Anita.
They were friends of Vickies, who liked to “slum” at the hotel on nights when Vickie worked late. Sometimes they would come in early and fill up on the much cheaper drinks, before heading to the “real” clubs and sometimes they would swing by late at night if they just weren’t feeling it at the clubs, i.e, nobody was paying for their drinks.
Tonight, was a late night.
Upon seeing Ted clutching his towel and storming towards the front desk, each one put their hand to their mouth, trying to stifle a laugh. Vickie, who had not seen him until they parted to give her a better view, laughed out loud and said “good evening Mr. Tyler how can I help you?”
He snapped at her and said “isn’t it obvious!?”
She just laughed and said, “oh you know me, I’m kind of slow on the uptake.”
“I need a key to my room!”
“Oh didn’t we give you one when you checked in?”
The other three women snickered. Ted took a deep breath and said slowly, “I seem to have locked myself out of my room and my original key is in the room, therefore I need another one.”
“And you’d like me to get that for you?” Vickie asked.
Failing to tamp down his rage, Ted said, “GET ME A KEY NOW!”
“Well since you asked so nicely. Give me just a second.”
With that, Vickie went down to the end of the counter and started tapping on a computer. She caught Anita’s eye and had her follow. While Vickie conspired with Anita in urgent whispers spiked with snorts of laughter, the other two ladies set upon Ted.
“Oh my God, you must be so embarrassed,” Debra said.
“I think I’d die if I had to walk in here with just a towel on,” Sophie added.
Ted tried to ignore them, but they were relentless.
“I mean, just a towel, that’s the only thing keeping you from being naked in front of all these people. I at least hope that you’re well hung, just in case that towel comes off,” Debra said.
With that, Ted gave them a startled look and they both laughed.
“Well obviously not,” laughed Sophie.
At this point Vickie came back with Ted’s new key.
As she started to lecture Ted about being more careful with hotel property, Anita let the other two girls in on the plan, cracking them up as all three looked over at Ted.
Lecture over, Ted stormed off with “bye bye baby,” ringing in his ears.
He marched out into the lobby again, using his anger as a way of keeping his humiliation at bay.
He kept his eyes focused straight ahead on those double doors, which is why he didn’t notice that Vickie’s friends were right behind him.
He breathed a sigh of relief as he made it out to the hallway and walked right over to his door and put the key in.
“That could’ve been so much worse,” he thought.
The double doors opened and he could hear the music come through. He turned and saw the three women standing there smiling at him.
“You guys have a great night,” he said as sarcastically as he could.
He turned the handle. The door didn’t budge. The girls laughed and walked closer. He tried it again and then again and then again. The girls were on him at this point.
“Oh no, is the key not working baby. Can we give it a try for you?” Anita asked.
He ignored them and tried it again but of course it didn’t work. He let out of string of expletives which just made the girls laugh more.
“You poor thing,” Debra said. “Come on, let’s go back and get you a key that works.
We’ll walk with you so you won’t be quite so embarrassed.”
And with that she put her hand on the small of his back and turned and guided him towards those damn double doors.
Once again, he was so furious and focused on what he was going to say to Vickie for being so incompetent that he didn’t take even a second to wonder why these girls were being so helpful.
Sophie opened the door for him and as he walked through Anita grabbed his towel and yanked it off while Debra gave him a big shove that catapulted him right into the lobby.
The shock hit him almost immediately. He looked down just to confirm that he was naked and immediately turned to grab the door so he could flee. But the door wouldn’t budge, the ladies were holding it fast and laughing hysterically on the other side.
On Ted’s side of the door, people started laughing as well.
“Open the fucking door,” he yelled, “open the fucking door right now!”
His demands were met with more laughter.
“Better go ask Vickie for a new key and you better be nice about it,” one of them called out.
At this point the music stopped and more light filtered through the lobby. Ted, head bowed, used his hands to cover himself and turned to face the crowd. Needless to say everyone was staring at him. Some with huge grins on their faces and many others laughing outright and pointing.
He marched as quickly as he could around the corner to the applause of the people at the bar. He started sputtering at Vickie, “that key didn’t work, those bitches took my towel, give me a goddamn new key!!
“Mr. Tyler, Ted, I don’t think you want to be yelling at me that way and I don’t like that word you used to address my friends. If you want a key from me I’m going to need to hear an apology.”
“Me! Me? You think I should apologize!? Ted started to protest some more, but he could see where this was going. So he gritted his teeth and said “I’m sorry.”
“Thank you, now was that so hard? And while I get you a new key, I’d like you to apologize to Sophie, Anita and Debra.”
And with that Ted turned around to see the three women standing behind him. They smiled at him sweetly.
“Where is my towel?”
All three of them just shrugged like they had no idea what he was talking about.
“Ted,” Vickie said, “apologize to them. Say, “I’m sorry I called you bitches, you are wonderful, beautiful women.”
Ted sighed and started to say, “I’m sorry,…
“No, no Ted. Tell them each individually and shake their hands just to show them that there are no hard feelings.”
So Ted did. He apologized to Sophie and then Debra. He was apologizing to Anita when suddenly the lights dimmed and the music started up again.
“Oh Teddy,” Anita said, if you really want to show us how sorry you are, come dance with us!”
Sophie and Debra laughed and said “yes, come dance with us.”
Ted told them no way in hell was he dancing with them.
“Ahem,” Vickie said, holding up his new key. “Promise them at least one dance or no key.”
He reached for the key and she pulled back.
“Oh all right,” he said reaching for the key, with absolutely no intention of keeping this promise.
Which is why, Vickie handed the key to Anita.
They were all laughing while Anita grabbed one of Ted’s hands, leaving him just one to cover up with and led him out onto the dance floor. Everyone else pulled back, giving the three ladies and Ted center stage!
Ted was quite the site, holding his junk with one hand and holding Anita’s hand with the other. Then Sophie wrestled his other hand free, leaving him totally exposed.
Debra pointed at Ted’s crotch and laughed. Ted looked down and was frustrated beyond words to find himself (A) in this situation, and (B) his exposure exacerbated by shrinkage.
A few other woman joined in, dancing and pointing and laughing.
Debra went around behind him and swatted his butt and shouted “dance like you mean it!!”
As the song came to an end everyone clapped and looked over at Ted.
“Please can I go now?” he asked.
“Oh all right,” they said. Anita handed him his key and they each gave him a peck on the cheek and a slap on the butt.
Ted made a quick exit with cat calls and whistles ringing in his ears.
As he approached his room, he saw his towel draped over the door handle. He almost cried with relief when the little green light lit up and the door actually opened.
At ten o’clock the next morning, Ted walked once again into the lobby, and this time it was truly a lobby and this time he was fully clothed. He prayed that the woman who was going to interview him had not been in the bar last night.
Mary was sitting at a table waiting for Ted Tyler, the man she was going to interview.
She too, could not believe the transformation from disco back to lobby. She was thinking how glad she was that she had decided to get a drink late last night. If she hadn’t, she would’ve missed the whole show.
It was hysterical.
That poor officious man, humiliated by those women.
Sitting at the bar, she had a great view of the whole show. First she watched him march to the front desk, demanding a key. She had to admit, he showed a lot of bravado for a man clad only in a towel. Obviously there was some kind of history between him and the woman behind the front desk.
She had watched as the hotel clerk,Vickie, had moved down to the end of the counter and conspired with one of her friends. She observed her grab a key card out of a drawer and do absolutely nothing to make it a viable key.
It was then that she knew this man was in trouble and that she had not seen the last of him as he passed by with the worthless key in his hand.
Her suspicions were more than confirmed when the three ladies huddled with Vickie, laughed uproariously and then headed out the same double doors that the man ha just passed through.
She feared that the best part of this saga might take place on the other side of those doors, but no, she would not be disappointed.
A few minutes later he was back, totally naked!
She bonded with a couple of ladies at the bar as they howled over his predicament.
His first time through was a story they would tell at dinner parties for years to come, but now, as they watched him jettisoned back into the lobby naked, tugging on the door handle with all his might as his butt cheeks jiggled, was just too much.
They could tell he was screaming at someone on the other side of the door. Mary knew exactly who that would be.
One of her bar mates had said “I wish we could hear what he’s saying,” and as if it was a request, the music suddenly stopped and some of the lights came on.
Mary, stole a glance over at Vickie and sure enough, she was fiddling with some dials.
As the man walked by for the second time, covering his manhood with both hands, her other new friend said “darling, we saw everything a few seconds ago and I’m pretty sure you could cover that with just one hand.”
It was all Mary could do not to do a spit take all over the guy.
As the three girls returned, Mary said “you girls are wicked.”
They just smiled and giggled.
“Guilty as charged.”
“You know,” Mary said, “It’s a shame the music isn’t on anymore, it would have been fun to see him dance.”
The girls lips all twisted into wicked grins.
Not too long after that, the music started up again.
Mary got pats on the back from her new friends at the bar as they watched the man do a humiliating dance.
And now she was watching that man come through the door. She didn’t dare hope.
He scanned the lobby and she raised her hand and gave a little wave. He smiled tentatively and headed over.
“YES!” she thought.
“Ted, Ted Tyler,” she asked?
“Yes,” he said, “and your Mary?”
“In the flesh,” she said, “giving him a big grin.”
Oh this was going to be fun!
“So how was your flight in?”
“Good, good,” he said.
She could tell he was really nervous.
He was looking at her intently, wondering if she had been in the bar last night. Then his eyes darted all around, no doubt scanning the room for anyone who might recognize him and give up the game. He stiffened and looked over at the front desk. He let out a sigh of relief and visibly relaxed. Mary guessed that this was because Vickie wasn’t there.
“How do you like the hotel?”
“Fine, fine,” he said. “It’s, a, fine.”
“It’s one of my favorites,” she said “and I stay in a lot of hotels. Did you know,” and here she leaned forward a bit as if to share a secret, “that they turn this whole area into a kind of night club every night.”
Ted grimaced a bit and said, “really, I had no idea.”
“Oh, so you didn’t stop in last night?”
“No,” Ted said, “I just, you know, hung out in my room.”
“Too bad,” Mary said, “you missed quite a show. There was this guy, who must have gotten locked out of his room, because he came in here with just a towel on and then he left and came back buck naked and then he even danced naked. I was sitting right over there at the bar, a front row seat. It was hilarious. Maybe the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.”
And with that she looked right into Ted’s eyes and smiled.
Ted turned beet red. He sighed and started to get up.
Mary said, “where are you going?”
Ted said, “well obviously this isn’t going to work.”
“On the contrary, Teddy boy. I’d say you just passed the audition.
You are going to be perfect for the job.”
And then Mary smiled and laughed as she shook her head. “Just perfect!”